Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

We are hitting the ground running with this idea of moving back east. Ben hasn't spoken to his boss yet, and his reaction will determine a lot of our timing for things. If he's open to flexibility, we may sell here and buy there sooner, but if he doesn't want Ben's schedule to change at all and the idea of Ben only being in Ohio some of the time doesn't work for them, then we'll keep the house for longer and sell closer to the time that he's reached 10 years. Nonetheless, we have a ton of work to do if this house will ever be in selling condition. Today, I started the organizing/purging process in the back room and our closet. I have no idea what to do with all of the many, many things I have to save for sentimental reasons though. Where do I store it all? And why do I have so much of it?? I worry about conversations with friends, and I really worry about stepping out of responsibilities I've taken on to church and co-ops. I am anxiously looking forward ...

I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about the idea of moving. It's so scary! We've built a good life here. But, if we look back in 30 years, I think we'd regret leaving our family behind. We're both so family-oriented and we always talk about starting family traditions and how we want to build something for our kids, but we're missing a big piece: our ENTIRE extended family. We think we'd like to buy a property that we could share with my parents. They're getting older and it would give me so much peace to be able to be with them if/when they start to need us. Plus, how amazing would that be for our kids? Homeschooling has almost opened this door for us, given us this flexibility. We still think it's important to stay until Ben reaches 10 years with the state, in September of 2025, but before then, we could sell the house, buy a place in DE, and rent something small around here until he reached that point. Dad and MJ love the idea and I think we...

The drive home went very smoothly today and we were home around 1:30. Ben and I have been talking. I think...we're going to start planning to move back to Delaware. It's not going to be right away. Probably not for another year or so, but our hearts are being pulled there. And if both of our hearts have been being tugged, separately, without discussing it with one another hardly at all, I think it's God leading us.  I decided the day before yesterday that I want to start running. I know. This is crazy for me. But being around Chelsea really inspired me. Something about seeing a woman who is big and strong, not some petite, tiny little thing that I'll never be, made me realize that I can do so much better than I'm doing for myself. Today, Jonas and I ran 1.25 miles together! It was really hard, but doing it this first day made me see that I really can do this. We're hoping to do a family 5k for Patrick's run that he organizes over Labor Day weekend. I'm a...

Church today was so good. Praise and worship was fantastic, the sermon was impactful, and the kids had a great time. Ben stayed home to sleep in. He didn't sleep great last night. We actually got some time to relax this afternoon and we started to get packed up for our drive tomorrow. We went to Trent's graduation party this evening and it was incredibly...boring? Haha I know that's mean, but there were just so many people that we didn't know. However, EVERY Boettcher sibling was there! I ended up talking to Kelly for like two hours. Or she talked to me. Either way. It was good. I haven't had a conversation with her in my life and we're going to the beach together in less than three weeks! Those talks did make me feel more excited for the beach trip though. I'm starting to think it may actually be fun!

As I mentioned, last night was awesome. Today? I am suffering for it! We got home at 1am and I didn't fall asleep until about 1:30am. I was up relatively early today and feel like garbage. Ben and I were supposed to catch a 9:30am movie (and Johnny was going to join us! 😂), but I just felt too bad. We ended up holding off for a couple of hours and then went to the mall to do some shopping. We went to Concord so...there were basically no stores even open still! That place is a shell. We went to Olive Garden for lunch and it was delicious.  When we got back, we hung out briefly, then headed to Patrick's to visit with everyone for a few hours. It was a little uncomfortable for a while, mostly because of how grumpy I was, but it was good. I mostly talked to Dawn and Erin. I'm so tired. Dinner was really good. MJ made crab pasta. And I'm already in bed! About to go to sleep. It's only 8:30pm, but I need to catch up on some sleep.

I got to take MJ out for her Mother's Day lunch today and it was so nice. We rarely get time to just be alone together. I got to talk to her all about the mental health stuff I've been dealing with and she thinks that I may be perimenopausal. She shared some stories with me about her time going through that, and some of her cousins, and thinks that this is definitely hormones and not just me losing my mind. Just think, back in the day, if a wife was acting too hormonal, her husband could just have her institutionalized. When we got back from lunch, all I wanted to do was relax, but Dawn was over! So we hung with Dawnie for a little bit, just catching up. We talked a lot about the beach trip, which is only three weeks away! It's crazy. When she finally left, we went to Total Wine, which is like the Costco of alcohol. That place was insane. Every drink you could ever imagine was there. We could have roamed for an hour, but we found what we needed and headed out pretty quickly...

Today started out rainy and we were supposed to go to Aunt Deb's while some cousins cut down a tree on her property. I figured it would be cancelled, but I should have known better. "I'm not going to let a little rain stop me from doing what I need to do" was Eddie's response. So, it was him, Zach, Frank (Chelsea's husband) and Jonas working, while dad supervised. Me, Marme, Aunt Deb, and Lisa hung out and talked while my girls played with Bailee. It was a nice morning and exactly what I've been missing out in Ohio. Just spending time with family. That's all I wanted to do. Chels got home from work a little after lunch and went right for a run, so I didn't get to talk to her, but I did get to talk to Frank a little, which was nice. I've never had a conversation with him before! It got me thinking that if Chelsea and I can mend our relationship enough, maybe our winter trip could be out to Puerto Rico to visit them. Who knows? It would be nice t...

Today was Uncle Ed's funeral. Dad and MJ woke with the sun and headed out to do a bunch of things before the viewing started at 9. We decided to just bring the kids with us, rather than pay Lisa's sitter $50 to keep them for a little while. We got there at 10 and that place was PACKED. We had to park all the way down the street! There was a really, really long line of people waiting to pay their respects, so I went right into the room to look for seats. There were ZERO. Zero seats free an hour into the viewing. So, I stood along the wall. Evie got there eventually and she stood with me. Uncle Dave and Aunt Janet were standing with me too. Ben took the girls into the children's play room for a couple of hours. The viewing was supposed to be from 9-11, then the service 11-12, luncheon to follow. Well. The viewing ended up being 8:15 - 12:15 and the service ran until 1. Someone told us they counted over 500 people coming through! So crazy.  The luncheon was very nice. Very Unc...

Today, we drove. Not much else! We finished getting the house ready and finished packing, then headed out around 1:45. The drive was smooth and we got to dad and MJs a little after 9pm. Not bad time at all! I spent the drive feeling paranoid that Ben is cheating on me...which I really don't believe is true, but I guess that's who I am now: a person whose mind runs away with them following behind like an idiot. I doubt I'll have much time to talk to him while we're in DE, so I won't be able to talk to him about it. Hopefully the feeling just goes away.

Today turned out to be pretty nice. Ben woke up in a horrible, anxious, panicked mood and I urged him to just take off work and get the things done that he's feeling panicked about. Yes, he'll be more behind with work, but at least everything else will be caught up. He actually took my advice! And he eventually did calm down. I spent a lot of time cleaning and doing laundry today. Again. I also made the kids clean a lot too because I cannot return to a messy house again! Every time I think about leaving for DE tomorrow, I feel sick to my stomach. I do not want to go on this trip. But I don't feel anxious enough to cancel. It'll be ok. I think it's just the packing and driving that I'm dreading so much. I'm really looking forward to being with my parents and seeing family. I think it's the right choice. I'm not sure it was the right choice for Ben to join us, but that was his own decision to make and he made it. And he did make a really good point abo...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I am 41 years old today. And, sadly, this was probably the worst birthday I can remember having. Also, sadly, there is no reason it was a bad birthday. It's just me. We left the retreat pretty early and headed home and walked into a DISASTER. We left the house a mess (thanks to panic and dread on Friday) AND, as an added bonus, Murphy had thrown up 8 times in the dining room. Ben was a wreck because nothing was ready to celebrate my birthday and he proceeded to complain to me about how upset and stressed he was about it. Not what I wanted to hear about at all! I spent some of the day reading, but spent the majority of the day cleaning the house. Ben took the girls to Ivy and Ellie's birthday party, and I am so grateful that I did not have to go to that! I just wish I could fix my brain and make myself happier. I did manage to appear happy during singing and opening presents. I got some wonderful gifts!! And I love how much thought the girls put into everyt...

Today was a pretty good day. A little boring, maybe? I think a lot of us have kids that we kind of have to follow around, which is very, very boring for me. I'm starting to get out of that age range, and I've kind of lost some of my patience for it, which is unkind of me. But still, true. I don't want to center my whole life around keeping kids occupied. I've never cared too much if my kids are bored, but I've reached that privileged point in parenthood when I can pretty much trust that my kids are ok, whatever they're doing. We're the only parents in the group that are at that point though! Anyway, between keeping an eye on kids and taking care of food, there wasn't a lot of time for socializing. I don't know that I had any real conversations until late afternoon! Evening was a little better. We had communion and then hung out for a bit. I got some concerning news about HC that I'm not 100% sure what to do with right now. I'm just turning it...

I felt like I was going insane today. Again. Getting ready for this retreat was driving me absolutely insane. I am just so over it all! I felt a little better when we got here, but the truth is, I needed a break from the stressful day and hanging out with 20 people is not what I consider a break. So I think I was a little less social than usual and that just had to be ok.  The drive here went smoothly. We got fast food on the way and then unpacked for what felt like forever. We were the second people to arrive, behind Megan and Trey. The kids went creeking almost immediately and caught lots of crawfish and regular fish. At night, they did a Hot Ones challenge that was so fun! Jonas, Clemi, AND Ben all made it to the very end! I couldn't believe Clem. She handled it like an absolute champ. We played some cards after that and Mark made a really brutal move against Ben. He got SO pissed. Like, irrevocably pissed off. He told me he doesn't think he'll ever talk to Mark again an...

I feel like each day’s  blog  post is getting more boring. Hopefully it’s just a phase and not forever. Today was very, very busy. We left early for field day, where we were active for many hours. The first two hours were spent on the field day activities and then we spent another two hours visiting with our friends. Afterward, I realized I’d need to stop at the store on the way home to get retreat food, so I grudgingly did that horrible task and then, finally, went home. I needed a quiet time today, so I did enforce that for once and I spent some time reading and drinking tea. The rest of the day was easy. We made pizza, we watched X3, I did dishes, got kids to bed, watched Psych with Jonas and Clem, and I came up to bed and read. I’m getting really anxious about the retreat. Wish I could just stay home!

Today was a very boring day. We did school, I read, I cooked dinner. That’s really about it. I sent info out about the HC retreat food, which is making me super anxious. I’ll be glad when we get there, and I can let go of a lot of that responsibility. Is that even how it works? Or will I continue to carry responsibility for the food the whole time?? Hmm… I’m just praying for relaxation, for relational growth with our group, and that the kids are low maintenance. I didn't take any pictures, so here is one from around this time last year. 

We went to Wild & Free this morning...against my better judgement. I am not a person who enjoys mud and it had been raining *just* before it was time to leave. Thankfully, nobody got very muddy. They did get very wet. But not very muddy! They also all got into poison ivy, so I was freaking out by the time we got home and forced everyone to scrub themselves with Dawn and put their own clothes in the washer.  I had an appt. with my NP at 2pm and I was feeling slightly anxious about it. I know that I need some kind of med adjustment, considering I've been so off around my period for the last few months. I hadn't gone to see him in a while and I was starting to worry that I'd feel judged. However, as always, he made me feel at ease, assured me that it was a normal issue, and told me that he hopes I'm not carrying a bunch of guilt about this; that my hormones being out of whack is not a personal choice or anything that I can easily control. I really appreciated that, bec...

School was pretty easy today, but I also skipped a subject because I'm starting to feel like...why don't I just stop now? I found out for sure that Uncle Ed's funeral is next Wednesday, which is sad for us. But we can't do anything about it. I'm feeling extremely anxious about leaving. We have all of these stupid pets now and I just don't know how they're going to be taken care of properly while we're gone! I couldn't go to HC tonight because CACH had their fall planning meeting tonight and, for the first time, I actually had to do some leading! I mostly was just a scribe and I made a spreadsheet for our classes, but I thought it was a fun evening and everything seemed to turn out all right. I have no desire to be the actual person in charge of the next one, but that is my job so I'll need to just suck it up. After the meeting, the other leaders wanted to go get ice cream. It was already 9pm and it was the very last thing on earth I wanted to do,...

It's Mother's Day! It was a beautiful day, honestly. There's quite a bit of lingering sadness about Uncle Ed that will likely last for a while, but today was perfect, aside from grief. Ben made me breakfast bake and I had time to do my hair and makeup before I left the house. CT was perfect. Everybody showed up who was supposed to be there and the classrooms ran pretty smoothly (aside from older toddler). We got to stay after and visit with HC for a little while, which I've only done once or twice since I started this job! We grabbed Cane's on the way home for lunch, and then I played Zelda for an hour and a half. I started prepping potato salad, and Ben started prepping mac n cheese, and Jonas started prepping ramen salad! By dinner, the cornbread was made (by Jonas), the corn was steamed, and the chicken was fried. It was the dinner I had dreamed of...even though I could only eat a bite or two of each dish! SO DELICIOUS.  Ben and the kids bought me a Ninja Creami!...

I found out, first thing this morning, that Uncle Ed died in the night. None of us were expecting it to go so quickly when he went into hospice yesterday. I, at least, thought we had weeks. Me and the kids spent a lot of time crying together this morning (all except Jonas, who awkwardly whistled and hummed to himself, like he was trying to block out the world) and the rest of the day was pretty relaxing. I got really, really sick last night though. I was up around 2am (coincidentally, the same time my Uncle Ed passed and my whole family was awake, driving over to hospice), dry heaving in the bathroom. Nothing came up, but I felt so sick that I cancelled on Claire. I feel bad, because I do want to invest some time into a friendship with her, but it needed to be done. I wasn't in a good place physically or emotionally, really.  What can I say about Uncle Ed? Well, he was gruff. And he was kind of a jerk at times. He told me I looked pregnant at one Thanksgiving dinner when I definite...

I don't know. Today was pretty uneventful. We did school. French club stuff was organized. I did some work for CACH. I worked on a little meal planning for the retreat. We did an easy dinner and watched a show with the big kids. But the highlight of the day came when it was dark...the aurora borealis was visible in Ohio! That was just super cool. We couldn't see it with our naked eyes, but when we used our phones, it was picked up. It honestly made me feel sad for dad and MJ though. They travelled to the UP to see it a year ago and had to cut their trip short because MJ's sister-in-law died. And now it's visible everywhere north of DE. Just unfair!

Field day was cancelled today because of the weather, and Lauren texted me before 8am, asking if we wanted to visit the zoo with them. I DID NOT WANT TO VISIT THE ZOO WITH THEM. I was SO relieved that field day was cancelled and was really looking forward to having the day off! But I took her up on her invitation anyway, and off we went. She wanted to meet at 9, but I just could not, so we met at 9:30. I never leave the house that early! The zoo was fine, although we got rained on for most of the time and it was SO crowded. Like, summer crowds. Very frustrating! There were a whole bunch of field trips happening I guess? I was not a fan of feeling like I was losing my children in the masses that were around us. But it was cool hanging out with Lauren a little. We don’t seem to have much in common, but it’s ok. She’s friendly and outgoing and always has something to talk about, so I guess that’s enough for me. After the zoo, I worked for a couple of hours. I had lots of new volunteers to...