May 19, 2024 - Sunday


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I am 41 years old today. And, sadly, this was probably the worst birthday I can remember having. Also, sadly, there is no reason it was a bad birthday. It's just me. We left the retreat pretty early and headed home and walked into a DISASTER. We left the house a mess (thanks to panic and dread on Friday) AND, as an added bonus, Murphy had thrown up 8 times in the dining room. Ben was a wreck because nothing was ready to celebrate my birthday and he proceeded to complain to me about how upset and stressed he was about it. Not what I wanted to hear about at all! I spent some of the day reading, but spent the majority of the day cleaning the house. Ben took the girls to Ivy and Ellie's birthday party, and I am so grateful that I did not have to go to that!

I just wish I could fix my brain and make myself happier. I did manage to appear happy during singing and opening presents. I got some wonderful gifts!! And I love how much thought the girls put into everything. Jonas, on the other hand... Man. When we got back from the retreat, the girls rushed off to make cards for me. Jonas? He sat on a chair and did nothing. I asked if he was planning to make a card, since he had to go mow the neighbors yard and he had group tonight and he just kind of shrugged. A little while later, I told him I needed to tell him that I was feeling pretty disappointed. When he woke up, he did not say happy birthday to me and then, when everyone else started working on cards, he just sat and did nothing. I told him I felt like he didn't really care about making a special gesture for me for my birthday and it was hurtful. He got so pissed and stormed out of the house. We went back and forth with that for the rest of the day. He did apologize later, but I just don't think he ever did grasp what I was talking about. I don't know that he's mature enough to even understand the concept of putting his own feelings aside to serve someone else joyfully. Maybe I'm just being an ass. I don't know! 

Ollie let me get her all dressed up for the birthday party today and I was so happy to get her in a pretty dress with fancy hair! She looked so adorable!



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