Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

I spent the morning dreading my time at Christine's this afternoon and then spent the afternoon at Christine's! 🤦I kept feeling the Holy Spirit's prompting to help her out, but I just really didn't want to do it. I finally gave in and reached out to her last week. And, honestly, being there showed that, yes, she needs help but, in my point of view, she needs her husband's help. And I know that he's the one with cancer, but he literally keeps saying he's never felt better in his life. So, if you're feeling at the very top of your game, why is your wife struggling so much to keep up with the housework and cooking and childcare? Why aren't you chipping in? Nevertheless, God told me to serve, so I'm going to serve and keep my mouth mostly shut about my opinions on what's happening with Brendan. I decided I'll do Wednesdays for a month and then reevaluate after that.  I felt guilty being gone for three hours this afternoon and leaving the kid...

It felt like the hardest thing ever to get up this morning, pack lunch, and get all the kids ready and out the door for a 30-minute drive to Wild & Free, but I did it! I'm glad we went. It was pretty overcast this morning, so it wasn't a bad hike at all and having a two-mile walk in the woods was good for me. My poor friend Claire is struggling with depression right now too and she just feels so alone and like the worst person in the world. I hope I encouraged her a little, but it's hard to get people to stop believing bad things about themselves. A new lady joined our group last week and she was walking with me and Claire while we were talking about feeling sad lately. Luckily, she had a solution to our depression...change our minds about it! If we couldn't do it on our own, she said, there's a good book that would walk us through it. And she wasn't talking about the Bible. 😅 *sigh* Very annoying to me, but I'm glad she found something she thinks works...

Another unproductive depressed day! The most I got myself to do today was take a shower. I guess I also made grilled cheese for dinner. Not a good day.  We did go to HC but had to leave a little after 8 because Clem called me and Ruby was freaking out in the background, screaming that she needs me to come home and she can't stand to be home without me anymore. I'm not sure what to do! We went home, but does this mean no dates? No times that I can go out and get shopping done alone? No HC? No girl's group? I'm trying not to think too much about it and just keep going as if things are normal. Probably not the thing that will fix it? But it doesn't seem to matter how many reassurances she gets or positive experiences with me being gone that she has. She just wants me home and doesn't want me to leave. I mean, I'm home 98% of the time so...I'm not sure I'm willing to give up that 2%. I guess we'll just have to keep moving forward and see how it goes....

I'm purposely not writing a post about yesterday because it was pathetic. Aside from a quick lunch out with Ben at Buffalo Wild Wings, I laid on the couch and read or laid on the couch and played my video game. Actually, I did also take Jonas out on a date to Starbucks, so that was one thing I did do. I also insisted on playing a family game in the evening, instead of more sitting.  Today felt a little better, and it's probably because I got out and kept a little busier. We went to CT in the morning and met the Irish family that is visiting Patrice. We walked their kids to their rooms along with our kids, since they're around the same ages. Jonas and their oldest, Jack, hung out the whole time they were in Jam. We left immediately after the teaching, though, because Ben was feeling sick. Which seems to be pretty much every day. Especially Sundays!  After that, I laid on the couch some more. Big theme lately! I didn't make much food for the dinner with the Kramers becaus...

All right, I'm just about ready to throw in the towel and admit that I'm depressed. Not quite there, but almost ready! I don't want to get dressed, don't want to do anything, don't care about what the kids eat or what I eat. I *think* I'll be able to get through this. I'm not ready to let it win, but man am I tired.  I got to hang out with Brit and the kids this morning, which was so fun. I feel a little bad that the house happened to be cleaner than usual because I have a feeling it makes Brit feel insecure, but it does make me feel good to be less cluttered! I forced everyone to do a deep clean yesterday. I just was not having it. We've had an ant infestation that doesn't want to quit, and even when they've "done their chores", the house has still been looking like garbage! So me and the kids put in some work yesterday and it's much better now. Anyway, it was great to visit with the Torellis for a bit. It felt lonely after they le...

I'm still hanging onto those good feelings from yesterday, although Ben did an about face, mood-wise. It's alright. I just have to maintain my own mood and feelings no matter what his are. It's just really tough to do! Much easier said than done.  I spent some time this morning with Christina McKean and got caught up with her. It was better than I thought it would be. I honestly wasn't really looking forward to getting together with her alone. We've always had the buffer of Lauren and/or Sarah when we've talked before, but it was good. We have a lot of things in common, and I can really get behind some of her parenting approaches. There are some other things that she says and does, though, that I'm like, wtf??? Seriously?? For instance, she said they have no furniture in their house, aside from absolute essentials, because their kids are irresponsible with it. *hmmm* She threw away the couch and the dining table and chairs, etc., because they made a mess on ...

Yesterday was a really rough day. I was really, really sad. I spent a lot of the day crying and feeling lonely. Ben and the kids were all very worried about me and did their best to make the day a little better. Me and Ben even went on a walk together, which we never do because I just slow him down when he's trying to get exercise. But today was a lot better and...here's today's post! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BEN!!!! 41 YEARS OLD! We have our struggles (lots and lots of them) but I am so grateful that I've gotten to spend the last 17 birthdays with him. He is an incredibly unique and special guy and I've gotten the privilege of being by his side this whole time. I complain about his shortage of vulnerable friendships, but at the same time, I'm his PERSON. I've gotten to be the person he confides in and goes to with his happiness, excitement, stress, and grief for all of these years. I want more for him, but I know that I am blessed to have his trust and love. Today...

Jenny came over to hang out and read this morning and it was great. We had some fun conversation and got caught up. It's nice how easy our relationship has been lately. I need some easy stuff in my life! I really just vegged after that. I'm feeling super sleepy today and just don't want to do much. I did take Clem on a date today to Starbucks and Target. It went well and the book I'm reading with the kids went over much better with her. :) We had some decent time talking about God in nature. It was good. I bought a frozen alfredo and stuck that in the oven for dinner when we got home and then we headed to HC shortly after that. It was a good night! Ben talked to a lot of people, but said he didn't have any good convos *shrug*. I also didn't have any deep conversations or anything, but it was still fun. 

All of us, aside from Jonas, who is still feeling sick, went to CT today. Ben seemed to be in an absolutely horrible mood: sulkily silent or spewing out angry, negative comments. I’m not sure what it’s about, but he gets so mad when I ask that I was just hoping it would pass before I needed to say anything. He seemed upset that his throat was hurting a little? Idk. Anyway, CT was good for me. I really enjoy serving and have a great time catching up with people during that time. Afterwards, I really didn’t do anything productive. I read some and then played my game for a while, while Ben worked on some stuff for tomorrow. He took Ruby on a date, and I took Ollie on a date. I am going to be discussing Talking with Your Children About God and am hoping I can tailor it to each of them individually. A lot of what we talked about today went over Ollie’s head, for sure. I tried to talk about evidence for God and how we see Him in nature. She had some good input and was able to pay attention t...

I had a lot of expectations for today that were not met…by me. I just thought I’d be able to get everything done and I couldn’t! Instead of being productive and finishing up Clemi’s closet, I read, showered, went on a date with Ben, got groceries, played my video game, prepped dinner, and hung out with the Sales. It was really nice getting to know Jeff and Jacy better. We really like them a lot and the kids get along well. I am so grateful that my girls are always willing to play with new friends. And, honestly, if it wasn’t for Clem, things would likely not go so smoothly! But she’s really welcoming and friendly to every kid that comes over and her sisters follow suit. We got to have some actual deep, meaningful conversation with Jeff and Jacy, mostly about home churches and some past hurts and how we’re moving past them. Jacy seems a little stuck and Ben is too, but we’re all hopeful and still willing to envision a better future for the group we’re in now. I just need to be praying f...

Well, the weather tried to discourage us, but we went creeking with Claire and her boys this morning anyway! It was chilly and drizzly, but we still managed to hang out at Highbanks for two hours or so while the kids played in the water and looked for shells (plentiful there!). They saw a water snake in the first five minutes and were terrified from then on.   But they still got in, just very watchfully. After the play date, I grabbed some McDonald’s, ate, then got to work on Clemi’s closet! It took a long time to get everything cleaned out and moved out of the way, but the building was fun. My plans were a little off, but I adjusted and was pretty close with all of my measurements. I did run out of 1x8 boards, but found some in my wood stash, which was very gratifying! I’m super happy with how the closet is turning out! I have a bunch of painting to do, then screwing everything together, installing the rods, and it’ll be done! Hopefully, I’ll finish up tomorrow.

Pizza and a movie night!!! This morning I got to hang out with my friend Kate for a while and Ella played with the girls. I love that they all get along so well! Especially considering we really only hang out once a year. 😅 She brought up something that I've realized was a problem but haven't given a lot of thought to, and that's the TNT program at Dwell...or at least at 4th Street (I can't speak for campuses that I haven't visited). She said that Ella truly hates going to it because it's so boring and, the truth is, Ruby hates it too. Kate said that she shadowed one week and felt like the volunteers barely interact with the kids, seem to have very little excitement about what they're doing, and some of them were downright miserable-seeming. She is spot on with that. They are not a happy group! I also think that this age group isn't being served well outside of Sunday mornings. Meadow Park did some pretty fun things with these kids. They had field trips...

I was supposed to hang with Brit this morning, but Anna has been having a bad headache for a couple of days, so Brit decided to take her in to the doc. I can’t blame her! I’d be freaked out too. I resigned myself to playing a video game for an hour and a half, with nothing better to do.   Once I’d had my fill of doing nothing, I started putting the contact/peel-n-stick paper onto the girl’s closet doors. It turned out really cool!! I’m glad I had the idea to do it. It saved us a ton of money and is much more tailored to what they want than plain white doors would be. I had a conversation with Nathan today about the job he’s looking to fill. Most of me feels like it would be fun and totally manageable, but there’s a small part of me that has enjoyed having no job for the last year. I think I’m going to take it because it’s really just a small position and shouldn’t add much stress to my life…plus a little money would be nice. But I have some worries that this is a mistake and t...

This morning, we had Wild & Free at the Quarry Trails waterfall. I loved it because it was so close and so fun! It was not everyone's favorite, since many people had to travel further than usual, but I thought it was great. The creek area was busier than I would have liked, but who am I to say other people aren't allowed to play there. :) We hung out during the picnic time for a bit, then came home. Patrice came to visit at 1:30 and we just caught up on some things. There was no real purpose to our hangout, but I feel encouraged after hanging out with her, especially when it comes to evangelism-type stuff. I may feel like a failure in a lot of areas, but she is good at reminding me that I often have my mind set on talking to others about Jesus and that is helpful!  I got to play my game for a little bit, then got dinner ready, and then brought the kids to Middle School CT. I was feeling a little frustrated about their leaders not ever being willing to bring them, but they a...

I spent the morning catching up with Jenny, while the kids all played together (except Jonas and Clem, who were very bored hanging out with little kids). It was good! It's been a long time, with vacations and sickness.  I spent the WHOLE afternoon finishing up projects in the girl's room! I hung all of their pictures, painted Ollie's dresser, and painted their new, oval mirror that we got at that yard sale. It looks pretty! But I need to get a razor to get some paint off of the edges that the tape didn't cover. It was hot and exhausting, but I am so close to being entirely finished that I'm feeling really good about it. I am not going to do trim in the closet until I'm ready to build the closet organization, so once I cover the doors with that wallpaper (fingers crossed it works well!) I'll be done for a while. Woo! It's been a lot, but I know they're so very excited to have it done.  In the evening, we headed to HC and had a great time. We had good ...

Ben is finally feeling better! Now the whole family is pretty much back to normal, thank God. We didn't do a ton today. I worked in the room and Ben played Monopoly with the kids a lot. I got to play some video games and then, in the evening, we went on a double date with Rachel and Mark at Bonefish Grill. The food was delicious and the company was great too. We had a really nice time with them. Ben said he's finally getting over his grudge against Mark, but he's still mad at Rachel. *sigh* He holds onto stuff forever! I should be praying for him so much more than I do. I need to get better at that. 

Sadly, Ben was having a lot of trouble with his eye, so I took the kids to CT alone today. It was great though. The teaching was really good and I got to visit for a few minutes afterwards. Jonas got to serve on the drama team and he didn't even complain once! It was a good morning.  The rest of the day was spent sweating and doing trim work in the girl's room. So close to being done! I was able to move some of the furniture back into the room and put their bed where it's going to live. It hasn't been a long time in their room, but it has been intense and hot!

Ben is feeling a lot better today, praise God! I wanted to celebrate, so I made a bunch of BBQ-type dishes for dinner and some meat for Ben to grill burgers. I made ramen salad, potato salad, corn on the cob, baked mac n cheese, and, for dessert, strawberry pretzel salad for dessert. So much salad! We're so healthy!!! Those big plans resulted in me feeling like I had a ton to do today, which was good and bad. After sitting around, mostly, for a week, it was nice to feel like I had a goal, but it was also exhausting. The food was good though! I took the kids to the pool today and ran into Molly Kocher there! I couldn't believe it. It's been forever since I saw her. She moved her seat next to me and we got to visit for almost an hour! It was so good to catch up. She was one of my very closest friends in Columbus for a couple of years and we just kind of grew apart after I moved to DE. We agreed that we NEED to get dinner together and catch up soon. I put texting her on my to-...

I stayed pretty busy today. I played my game for a few minutes this morning, but then took Ruby to Home Depot to buy the trim for their bedroom. I can't believe I still haven't put a door up! But I can't lift it alone and Ben has not been feeling up to helping. He's actually feeling really awful still today, somehow. I'm so ready for the whole family to be better! It's kind of nice to be trapped at home, at first. After a week, I'm pretty sick of it. Not that I've stayed home, but not having your husband with you makes some things more difficult!  I took Clem and Ollie with me to XSI today and I'm glad they decided to come. I was feeling a little guilty about leaving the kids alone last night, then again today for XSI breakout sessions, then again tonight! Alas, by the time I got to my first session, Ben was calling me to tell me he was on his way home early because he is feeling so bad. So I went to the evening sessions by myself tonight, which was ...

I definitely woke up today thinking I'd be feeling exponentially better...again. But I did not. I do not feel better today than yesterday. In fact, I feel a little worse. Alas, the day must go on! I did spend the morning relaxing, but I spent 3 1/2 hours this afternoon finishing the flooring in the girl's room and replacing all of the electrical. That puts me so close to the finish line! I still have to do trim, which I hate. But aside from that and the doors, the room is all but complete. Such a relief! Ben and I are going to XSI tonight, despite whatever sickness it is that we have. I paid for this, darnit! And I've been really looking forward to it. We're just going to attempt to keep some distance between us and whoever we're near and maybe not hang out with HC people so we don't get them sick. It's a little sad, but, in my mind, better than skipping altogether. Hoping it's a really great night!

I felt so much better already today! Not completely healthy, but a big improvement from yesterday. We still stayed home nearly the entire day, aside from a couple of quick errands, but I did get a little floor laid down in the girl's bedroom. It was just a few rows, but it was tough and sweaty, feeling as weak as I do.  At dinner tonight, I reassured the kids that me and Ben are going to be fine, since I was worried they were having some anxiety about us fighting in front of them on Saturday. Clem and Ruby admitted they had been talking to each other about us breaking up and whether or not we'd split the kids up. So sad! Ben didn't really want to have this talk with them since things are still unresolved between us, but I think it's important for them to know that there is no impending divorce or separation happening. We are still together and that isn't changing. We talked about that for a few minutes before the conversation devolved into jokes about how much every...

Well, I am officially sick. So sick! Sleep was not good and I just feel awful today. The entire day was spent relaxing, really. The kids are annoyed because it's me and Ben who feel bad, not them. Consequently, they have lots of energy, but we're doing nothing. Lots of screen time, lots of boredom. Hoping and praying I feel much better tomorrow!

I'm not feeling great today, but I did want to go to CT and serve this morning. I enjoy being there and I hate not showing up. So, I went and had a good time. Only Ruby came with me today and I left right at 11 instead of sticking around and infecting people with my potential sickness (hoping it's nothing!).  We really just sat around for the rest of the day. I wasn't feeling well enough to work on the floors, but I did place the order for more floor glue so I can get back to work tomorrow, hopefully. Clem and Jonas went to group tonight and me and Ben went to bed right after getting Ruby and Ollie down.  *This photo is from our cousin's night last year. We had such a blast! I drank way too much, Chels and Ev jumped into the river, Johnny was a complete mess. It was too fun, especially coming off of Uncle Ed's funeral that same week. I've been thinking a lot about family, since most everyone was at Cherrystone this past week, while we stayed in OH. They changed ...