July 24, 2025 - Thursday

I'm still hanging onto those good feelings from yesterday, although Ben did an about face, mood-wise. It's alright. I just have to maintain my own mood and feelings no matter what his are. It's just really tough to do! Much easier said than done. 

I spent some time this morning with Christina McKean and got caught up with her. It was better than I thought it would be. I honestly wasn't really looking forward to getting together with her alone. We've always had the buffer of Lauren and/or Sarah when we've talked before, but it was good. We have a lot of things in common, and I can really get behind some of her parenting approaches. There are some other things that she says and does, though, that I'm like, wtf??? Seriously?? For instance, she said they have no furniture in their house, aside from absolute essentials, because their kids are irresponsible with it. *hmmm* She threw away the couch and the dining table and chairs, etc., because they made a mess on them, I guess? She said her house is so dark, dirty, and empty that she gets really depressed every time she's in it. How can she live like that? It's so sad! I wish I could help her, but it's a rental and there's not a ton I can afford to do, financially. I just feel like people should feel relief when they walk into their house, not dread. It sounds like a really sad situation.

Aside from this visit, I didn't do much until cell group. Ted, Tasha, and the girls were supposed to come down and see us, since they've been in Cleveland all week, but they decided at the last minute to not add it into their trip. I understand in some ways. I mean, I have totally been to the point where I just have to cancel stuff because I thought I could handle more than I could. I literally did it this week, for goodness' sake! But cancelling a visit with a brother that I only see twice a year when I'm in the same state as him? I don't know. It's sad that it didn't work for them. But, in some ways, I'm relieved. It was going to be tough to work out, logistically. I won't have any hard feelings though. I've never been under the impression that I was important to them.

Cell group was fun tonight. It was tough to leave the house, as it always is, especially nowadays. Ruby cried and clung to me, even though she had the entire day to get used to the idea of me going out at night. I don't know why she's struggling so much lately with me having evening plans. She can't really say why either, just that she feels like it's wrong that I'm not there to put her to bed. It messes up the way things are supposed to be. And I guess that makes sense? She likes routine and she likes things to always be predictable. I do usually put them to bed. But she's really become much more upset about this than she ever has in the past. It's almost like separation anxiety...but I didn't know this was a thing for 9-year-olds! I guess it is. I don't know. I'm doing my best to not go out in the evenings willy-nilly, but Bible study is not something I can cancel just because she wants me home. 

*Man, I miss this tiny girl! She's so wonderful now, but I'll always miss those snuggles and sticky kisses.