December 25, 2020 - Friday (81/365)

Day 81 of my 365 Photo Journal

Today should have been incredible. Everything was set up perfectly, the kids were surprised and happy, and we all got lots of things that we wanted for Christmas. It should have been an amazing day. And for everyone else, I think it was? For me, not so much. I ended up feeling overwhelmed and very, very frustrated for most of the day, instead of feeling joy and peace...like I wanted (expected, maybe?) to feel. I've been thinking about it a lot and the biggest thing I can pinpoint is the entitled behavior my children (probably most American children) exhibit. I try to keep things moderate: 10 stocking stuffers and 4 gifts each, not including the small things that they buy each other. And it's not that they act like they deserve more gifts or anything like that, it's more that they act like I should be bowing and scraping to serve them each second of the day, as if all of this wasn't because mom orchestrated it in the first place. 

For instance, many kids gifts require assembly and/or have some kind of additional activity that is available to do with that toy, besides just playing with it (please, Lord, save me from the torture of modern kid's toys!). As we went around, taking turns opening our gifts, Ruby and Ollie both got things that they wanted opened immediately. For Olive, it makes sense. We need something to occupy her anyway. With Ruby, it's like, wait five freaking minutes until it's your turn to open another gift. But she whined and she cried and she screamed and screamed until I had to send her to a time out. Then, feeling bad for sending her to a time out on Christmas, I paused all gift opening so that we could open Ruby's gift up right away and get all of the little pieces out of the packaging, etc. Present opening finally resumes and, big surprise, more whining and crying from Ruby. Why, you ask? OH, because her new doll can go in the water, so she wants the doll in the water NOW! No interest in opening the other gifts she has. No care in the world for the fact that she's making me feel insane. No worries about her siblings who are still excited for their other gifts. *HUGE SIGH* 

I give up. I think I should just go on vacation alone next Christmas and they can see how magical it all is without mommy making it that way. Okay, that's going to be it for now, complaint-wise. Christmas 2020 was a tough day for me. The end. 

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