August 2, 2024 - Friday


Small group last night was pretty underwhelming. I do like that it’s less of a teaching and more of a group discussion. Smaller groups lend themselves well to that kind of thing. But I don’t feel comfortable or like I really belong there. Then again, I probably didn’t feel like I belonged when I first started going to Xenos either. The thing is, I like the ladies from co-op that are in this group. I really do! But it occurred to me that they don’t know a single thing about me. I can’t remember any of them ever asking me a question about my life…aside from school related things. Isn’t that strange? I’ve asked them all so many questions and once they’re done answering, the conversations just kind of end. And I always have a little bit of an anxious knot in my belly when I’m with them. The kids love it so much though, and that really does matter to me. I love to see Ruby have fun with her bestie and Ollie actually run up and hug other kids.

We did school today, but not much else. I’m very, very sad and ended up watching lots of tv in bed. I started spotting tonight though!! Looking forward to my better self emerging at some point soon.



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