May 21, 2021 - Friday (228/365)

 

Day 228 of my 365 Photo Journal

I'm not sure why, but I've been having a hard time lately. When I visited with Brit, she mentioned kind of an anxiety hangover and I wonder if that's what it is. Ben is struggling with some stuff too, but we're both trying to just focus on the good (because nearly EVERYTHING in our lives is good!) and not get too bogged down in our emotions. I have been thinking a lot about the daughter of one of Brittany's friends who suddenly became ill and now may not live. She's the same age as Ollie and it's hard not to think about how devastating that would be for our family and to feel terribly sad for their family. Why God allows such things to happen is such a mystery to me and I just cannot accept that it's all part of His greater plan as an adequate balm for the grief and pain. I know that He DOES have a plan and I know that we're all part of it, but...there's a lot of complexity going on here. I don't want to go on and on about it. 

Part of me and Ben trying to be in a good mood and have fun with our kids was this outside time we had yesterday. We ALL got in the pool together! It really was fun, although very hot and very cold at the same time. 😂 No pics of that, since I didn't have the foresight to set up a tripod and take photos, but I got some of the kids before and after. 

This one of Jonas is like the best I'm getting of him nowadays. And it's horrible. Where has his smile gone? Why is he so emo now? It honestly doesn't bother me in day to day life, but I (truthfully) feel embarrassed with how he behaves around others. I know that's stupid. He's his own person. But it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong as a parent if my kid can't bring himself to smile when he greets someone. When he says hi to my parents on Facetime, it's literally the most awkward thing ever. We all come away from it like, what the f just happened? Why was that so weird?



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