June 9, 2021 - Wednesday (247/365)


Day 247 of my 365 Photo Journal 

Murph was sleeping on his little paws today and it was so freaking cute. He's so adorable. 😻 

I have a few things to update the blog with that I haven't yet, for whatever reason. First, the psych eval that I took Ruby to yesterday was pointless and unhelpful. :/ I was hoping to get some ideas or resources to use to help Ruby control her anger or calm herself down when she's feeling really angry. Instead of getting those, she basically told us to keep doing what we're doing, just more consistently. She also recommended that Ben and I take some parenting classes on anger, because it seems to her like our tendencies to be quick to anger only exacerbate the problems that Ruby is having. This all makes sense, but...you know, it's not super helpful to me and I definitely didn't need to be there for an entire hour just to hear that. I know I'm too quick to anger, but I don't really have it in me to take parenting classes right now. I'm often angry because I'm overwhelmed and I'm often overwhelmed because I have too much going on. Should I really 'add' to that?? I don't know. I know I sound like an ass. I think she's right, I just don't know if I could possibly fix myself in time for Ruby to get her anger in check before kindergarten starts. 🤦

Also, I took Ruby to the movies last night, just the two of us! It was really fun and I'm super thankful I got some alone time with her. Because she's so good at playing independently, I feel like I can go hours without really paying attention to her. Then, when she does draw my attention, it's because she's screaming about something, so the attention I give her is frustrated and terse. It was nice to sit next to her, relaxing and laughing and sharing an experience together. Also, I ate nearly every bit of popcorn by myself. When the movie was almost over, she looked so betrayed when she saw the empty popcorn bucket and realized she hadn't eaten more than three bites. Oops! 😂

I think I might have mentioned this at least once before, but Ben's mom is doing really badly. She was admitted to the ICU today and had to be intubated because she was coding due to low oxygen levels. Her oxygen is currently at 100%, but she's lightly sedated and is not improving. We still have no idea what her diagnosis is or what is the underlying cause of her issues. I mean, she is falling apart and only getting worse, but WHY??? Ben is understandably having a really difficult time. He's super stressed about work, super stressed about his mom, and super sad about baby Lottie too...we both are. It may not be totally rational, given we don't even know her or her family personally, but that girl has got a piece of our hearts now and we are totally invested in her recovery journey. All we are able to give is our prayer and our love, but we are in it. It's hard to see her still doing pretty awful and it's terrible to see her mom struggling too. It could so easily have been us. So, Ben has a lot on his plate. It is overflowing with, like, rotten food, but he still has to balance it. It's really tough to watch him hurting and not be able to help much. Here he is, below, taking 10 minutes to sit with our  (thankfully) healthy baby girl.




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