October 15, 2021 - Friday

Me & Marme took the kids to Linvilla Orchards today and Evie met us there! I’m really glad we got a chance to visit with her, even though I’m still definitely not at my best. I was snappy and impatient with the kids and really let every single little thing dig under my skin. It really wasn’t a bad time, although all of my thoughts about it are bad right this minute. The kids had a great time. They played, fed chickens and ducks, got to pick out pumpkins, and had popcorn and funnel cake (courtesy of mommom)! There were a few emotional breakdowns from Ruby and Ollie (and ME, inwardly!!!), but all-in-all, the kids behaved and we had a nice time. Mommom, sadly, was having a lot of joint pain while we were there and I have a feeling Evie was pretty put off by my terrible mood and impatience with the kids, but I can’t assign feelings to her. For all I know, she had a wonderful time. *shrug*

Thinking about it though, and boy have I been thinking about it a lot, attitude really does affect everything SO drastically. If I hadn’t been grumpy at Linvilla, I would probably be looking back on this whole experience much differently. It’s sad, knowing that I wasted a perfectly good opportunity to enjoy myself. Ugh, I wish I could snap out of this anger and resentment that have been festering in me. It’s not fair to anyone around me and it’s not even fair to myself.

This afternoon, we grabbed a pizza from Claymont Steak Shop (after much argument and debate) and OMG it was DELICIOUS. I’m so glad we got it. I have to say, it’s my favorite pizza. It just is. I’ve typed it, so now it’s official. We drove to the Iron Hill Park and I ate pizza while the kids played for a while. Afterwards, we went over to Patrick and Erin’s and had a really nice evening with his family. There was good food, good company, laughter, and happy, happy, happy children. Goodness, the kids have so much fun with their cousins! Clemi and Katie are so sweet together (and of course Ruby tags along!), Ollie and Tommie are cute too, but aren’t really playing together much. But, probably my favorite cousin part, was seeing Jonas being “in” with the big cousins. He’s the youngest of the bunch, being 9 and at least 3 years behind the next youngest, but they include him and talk to him and they all get super weird and have weird jokes and good times. It makes me feel a pang of homesickness, honestly, because we have no family where we live and we have this big group that loves us so much here. But we tried the DE thing and it didn’t work, so I can’t regret our decision. It’s still tough to leave so much love behind though, especially when I think about the kids. Cousin best friends are so much fun.

I’m sitting here alone at my parents, since Ben decided to stay at Patrick’s tonight, and it is getting VERY late. 11:20 already. I have to go to sleep. But one more thought. I sat in traffic for an hour tonight on the way home and even though it was such a waste of time, it wasn’t that bad. Me and the kids all talked and joked and asked questions, so rather than coming here feeling more defeated, I came here feeling equally defeated, but maybe a little bit heartened. I was reminded AGAIN, that our attitude determines our outcome. So, thanks traffic jam (although it was caused by a likely horrific accident and I shouldn’t be thankful for that at all).