July 21, 2022 - Thursday


My grumpy mood from yesterday continued/intensified today. So...kind of a long, boring, rambling non-story, but here it is: 

I have been working at BrandSwan for a little over a month and, before Cherrystone, Ollie was napping every day at 2pm and the big kids would have quiet time then too. 2pm became my real, focused work time, when I could talk to Jane without disruption and when I would possibly be able to make client calls. Since Cherrystone, Ollie hasn't napped once. Not only is she not napping, but she HATES quiet time and WILL NOT stay up there. While I was super sick with COVID it was like, who cares? But as I started working again, the not napping and not having a quiet time thing started to become a real problem. This week, I've been enforcing the quiet time. She did okay yesterday, but today was a freaking disaster. That girl screamed her head off for like 30 minutes until I let her come down and patted her back and whatnot. I'm sitting here trying to calm her down, while I was swelling with anger. I am feeling so frustrated and inconvenienced by her right now, I don't even know how to process it. I have NO TIME away from her until she goes to bed at this point. Is it asking too much to have a little bit of quiet, alone time every afternoon????? Ollie seems to think so. Beyond the quiet time issue, her behavior has been atrocious lately too. I realize that I have to get more strict with discipline, but I hate it. I hate always having to be ON. On, on, on. Watching, waiting for bad behavior, paying attention to every silly little fight the kids have. I'm angry. Like, so angry. It's seeping its way into every interaction and every thought. I just want to get out of this mood.

Gosh, I love my little girl. I wish parenting were easier. 



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