November 8, 2023 - Wednesday


Dear Lord, today was a bad day. I don’t know how much I want to go into it, but my parenting was 👎. I was short fused, cussed to and at the kids, which I NEVER do, and yelled over and over. I kept trying to pull myself out of the shit show I was sinking into, but I couldn’t seem to do it! I stopped and prayed multiple times, but still ended up exploding over something very frustrating, but ultimately inconsequential. I had to apologize to all of the kids for the crappy way I was acting and remind them that, as always, my behavior is NOT THEIR FAULT. I’m responsible for it, not them. I can’t stand the thought of my kids walking on eggshells around me, trying not to set me off. They’re all very gracious and forgiving. Praying that God can help me control my emotions more successfully in the future.

I think that in addition to my incredibly heavy period starting and struggling to get those horrible pills prescribed again, the kids have also been pretty disrespectful (all leading to an awful day). I literally cannot tell them anything without being second-guessed, questioned rudely, or flat out refused. I am getting so sick of it! After my blowing up and apologizing, I pulled them together to discuss repercussions for THEIR bad behavior lately. Mostly, that means more cleaning and less tv. No tv today at all, and Jonas seemed like he might shrivel up and die. 🙄 I’m not sure what I’ll do tomorrow, but the screen habits need to continue to improve, because they still just watch too much.

I got the hallway and laundry room cleared for dad to get started when he gets here. So excited about this new bathroom!



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