January 30, 2024 - Tuesday

What can I say about today? It was a really tough one. One of the first things I said today was, "Man, you guys are really yellow this morning!" (Yellow means hyper/excited/irritated) And when they asked what I was, I said, "Blue." I have no idea why I was sad, but dealing with 3 very excited children all day was really challenging. Jonas was just normal. :)

We went to Wild & Free and that was a fantastic time for me. We actually got out and hiked for almost an hour! It felt so good to be out in the fresh air, actually getting a little exercise. I've been inside almost all month, it feels like! But when we got back, I quickly turned around to head to my 12:30 eye appt and it just so happened that my appt was actually at 12:10. They called me when I was pulling out of the driveway to see when I would be there, and I was so confused! They finally clarified that I was already late and that I'd have to reschedule. In a way, it was a relief, because who tf ever wants to go to the doctor? But, at the same time, I felt like a jerk and it kind of kick-started this feeling of failure that I maintained for the rest of the day.

I sent everyone upstairs for a quiet time around 3, after a 90 minute long science experiment (God, help me) AND after realizing that I also forgot about the field trip I was supposed to take Jonas on today to visit The River radio station. :( So we missed that and I sat and played Zelda instead. Super sad. 

I eventually got off my butt to make some dinner, which took 30 minutes longer than I expected, and all the kids were miserable and complained about every stinking bite! I just couldn't stand the insults and negative comments any longer. I ended up getting up from the table before dinner was over and coming upstairs to lay in bed. I'm just so sick of it. 

Ben checked in with me today to see how I'm feeling about homeschooling. It looks like the Backpack Bill would cover our expenses if we chose to send the kids to a private school somewhere, rather than homeschooling next year. I don't feel entirely opposed to that idea, but I am enjoying what we're doing now, so I want to keep it going. HOWEVER, Ollie will be in kindergarten next year and the issues I'm having with her are really, really real. All of the other kids have real school to compare homeschool to. They are all grateful for the slower pace and for shorter days, more nature time, fun field trips and activities, and more freedom, overall, because they've experienced the lockdown that is public school. Ollie, however, has nothing to compare it to. She just knows she has no interest in listening to her mom and doing what her mom says. I am seriously considering sending Ollie alone, just to make a point. Oh, you hate mom so much? Here. You go to school while everyone else has to stay home with mean old mom. We'll visit COSI, the art museum, the zoo, and go on dozens of field trips, while you go to the bus stop in the dark every morning and sit in a classroom for 7 hours. Have fun! One bright note of the day: Ollie had to go to bed early because she was disobedient for Maria yesterday, while we were at group. I called her up to bed and she said she wasn't going to come. I went downstairs to get her and she said, "I don't want to get in any more trouble." She went potty, got herself into pajamas, and went straight to bed. Thank God. I was really anticipating a fight. I'm super relieved!