Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

I feel like quitting this blog. I barely ever even take pictures anymore, let alone good ones. My life is also terribly boring and depressing, giving me nothing but complaints to write about. I don't know why I'm still doing this.  Anyway, we started school this morning! MAN, I wish we could have started school when I was in the good half of my month, rather than the bad half. It went ok though. We got through everything, happily, until Ollie reached burnout. She was working on a very complicated picture for art (her choice!) and kept getting really frustrated. I encouraged her to try to draw something simpler, but she wasn't having it. Before long, she's screaming at me about hating school, never wanting to do this again, forcing me to do more math with her, then screaming about that too! We had a great start, but we did not finish strong. 😅 Ruby did really well though and had a great school day. She did all of her things with very little complaint. I know some of the...

We went to Meadow Park Church for service this morning so that the girls could participate in celebration Sunday, a post-VBS party thing they were having. I called out of work ahead of time and it sounds like Leslie and Nathan did just fine. I have to say, I did not enjoy the service! 😐 Granted it was atypical. The kids were in there with us, it was their youth pastor who gave the message, and it was meant to be more of a youth-focused talk. But the youth pastor had a bit of a frantic energy to him and rambled for a very long time, while the kids got more and more fidgety. They were involved in some of the pieces of the service, which was fun. I also didn't love the worship music. I know. That's crazy for me. But it just didn't sound great, which irked me. It's a snobby thing to say! I realize that. But the voices were dissonant and that made me want to cringe. Ben is reserving any judgment on their Sunday service until he gets to go at a time that isn't a special ...

Praise God, we didn't have anywhere to be today. We chilled at the house for the whole morning, and I did nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV. In the afternoon, we decided to take the kids to the mall for some shoes. And, yes, that sounds stupid, I know. In a world of convenient online shopping, WHY would I take the kids to a crowded mall for shoes? Well, they needed new Crocs and I really wanted them to try some on. I haven't gotten any of them new shoes in such a long time, that I just wasn't sure what sizes to get. The mall trip was a little crazy and I was beat by the time we were done, but it was mostly good. We got shoes, we went into the candy store and got everyone candies, we got dinner, then we headed home. Not too painful. It was just really busy in there and I'm feeling so overstimulated and overwhelmed lately. 

Today was a little crazy. No VBS, but we needed to leave by 1 to get to French Club. I spent the morning baking our overripe bananas into muffins and making pain au chocolat for club. We headed out and had a really great time at Christine's, watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony in Paris, France and making our own Olympic torches. It was just Christine, me, and Kara, which was really comforting to me, because I'm feeling really OVER meeting new people right now! It's just so exhausting. I just wanted to be around people that already know me, to whom I don't have to explain anything about myself. (Btw, I hated using 'whom', but just could not leave that dangling participle out there!)  After French Club, we headed over to visit Brit and fam. I got to hold the baby!!!! *squeeeeeee!!!* Tori is such a little sweetie. It was a nice visit, although shorter than I would have liked. We'll have to get back soon, especially since Andrew is going back to work full time...

Today was the girls' last day at VBS for the week and, while the girls were there, Emily came to visit. It's not like it was a bad visit; it wasn't. It just felt like, for the first half, we skirted around the point of her visit and then for the second half of the visit, I said things she didn't really want me to say, and she tried to argue that I should rethink all of my thoughts...gently. I've kind of gotten to the point where I don't have much left to say. I'm not going to continue to defend myself and I don't have good reasons for doing anything I'm doing. I have felt dissatisfied with HC and Dwell for a long time, and planned on leaving once volunteer recruitment was done. Sadly, being in conflict with so many people has made it easier for me to walk away. That's really it. We had to make a decision about whether to stay in Dwell for the rest of our time in Ohio or try something different and I want to try something different. It's not l...

Man, VBS being only 8 minutes away is super nice! Today was "Wacky Wednesday", so the girls got their hair done in fun ways and dressed all mis-matchy. Jonas and I got to spend the morning together today, which was great. He came with me to drop off and then we ran over and got some bagels from Giant Eagle and a couple of drinks from Starbucks. After we came home and ate breakfast, we went out to Staples so I could do some Amazon returns and then went to Target for a few supplies. We had a really nice time together, though, and I don't often get time alone with him.  I grabbed the girls from VBS and then we went to Graeter's for a play date with a few friends, who were also at VBS this week. I talked to Kristen for a long time and she is really struggling right now, so I'm thankful we had some time to sit together and talk. I also got a chance to catch up with Lauren, Christina, and Sarah, which was great. I just really, really like those ladies a lot. They invite...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BENNY!!!! I'm so grateful to have spent the last 16 (17?) birthdays with this guy. Honestly, some of the years, I wanted to kill him (just a little bit), but being past the young kids phase of life has helped. Going on dates helps and keeping open communication helps. Anyway, I got off track. The point is that I'm grateful for Ben. He is a wonderful provider, a listening ear, and a strong defender for me and the kids. I trust him completely and cannot imagine a happy life without him. God has been so good to both of us! Today was a fun day. The girls went back to VBS and had a great time, and then we went to the big pool again and hung out for a couple of hours. When we got home, I started working on his pecan pie bars and on the sides for dinner. It was a pretty simple meal, but dang, there were a lot of dishes to wash! I'm so glad he was able to take off of work yesterday and today. I don't feel like I did enough to make his 40th special, but he says...

Okay, I'm skipping Sunday, sadly. But the truth is that I was kind of lost in a haze of depression and busyness and I took no pictures so...we can kind of pretend it never happened? No, that wouldn't be good. It wasn't terrible. I worked in the morning and working always makes me feel so conflicted. There are so many wonderful people in our CT that I really do care for. I feel like never going back when I'm not there, but I always feel different on Sundays. I keep praying for guidance on this in-between time, when we're planning to move eventually, but haven't moved yet. Where does God want us to be? Do we stay at Dwell, when we were planning to look for a new church anyway? Do we move to a new church when we only have a year or so left in Columbus? And if we do stay, there is a host of decisions to make too. I wish God supplied answers as quickly as I want them.  Today, I took the girls to VBS at Meadow Park Church, where a bunch of their friends go. I was surp...

Today wasn't terrible, actually. The Shauls came over for dinner and hung out for a couple of hours. It was nice catching up with them for a bit. Kylienne, while not a very close friend of mine, is such a consistent and steady person. I was overcome with gratitude for her, earlier this week, when she ensured that we were still getting together for dinner and then texted later to discuss food. I think, that in my depression, I just don't have what it takes to keep momentum going. It'll all just stop if it's left up to me. And, often, in my friendships, it often feels like it is left up to me. I'm not trying to complain. We all have our seasons in life when things are hard and some of us are better at initiating than others, naturally. I'm just saying that during times of depression, I can't be counted on to be a good friend/daughter/wife/anything. I'm often barely scraping myself off the mattress in the morning, let alone planning dinners with friends. An...

It's crazy how hard everything seems right now. Literally a week ago, I felt super optimistic and ready to do things! I was going to start school, and make lists, and do house projects, and MOVE. Now, I can barely shower, let alone pack up the house, finish house projects, and move. Thankfully, it seems like we're leaning towards hanging out here until the spring. That way, I can put off being productive until a more convenient time.  I went over to Christine's this morning and we all had a really nice time. It was really good to catch up with her. Sad that it took us so many months to get together though! I like how decisive she is. I hate making any decisions and when I hang out with someone who feels like they know what should be done, it always makes me feel better...even if I know that, at times, her advice is not right for me. After Christine's, we headed over to Anne's and that was also a really nice time. Hanging out with her is a lot different than hanging ...

Another very sad, very depressed day. I had a bit of a harder time getting out of bed today - literally sat there, staring at the ceiling for 45 minutes. But I got up, sprayed my hair with some dry shampoo, got the kids ready, and left the house for our CACH playdate. I am really glad I went. Erin shared something she read in the Bible that morning that was just what I needed to hear. I got goosebumps when she talked to me about it! God has the coolest ways of showing up for me.  I decided to take the kids over to the Hilliard Aquatic Center after the playdate, since we were right there, and they loved it. We ended up hanging out there for three hours! I nearly finished my whole book.  After being out of the house for almost six hours, I was pretty ready to crash. I managed to do a little laundry before I laid on the couch. It was pizza and a movie night, so I got some dessert ready and then Ben cooked the pizzas. Jonas had to head out to rowing 10 minutes into the movie and, ...

Another very rough day, emotionally. I'm keeping it together, but really struggling with having the will to do anything. Susan came over to visit for a little while this morning, which was nice. It's been a while since we've really had time to catch up. Maybe a year and a half? After she left, I headed to my doctor's appt., which was supposed to be a month checkup for my new meds. I got there and they told me they didn't have any appointments for me in their system! So, Doug's nurse didn't put the appt. in, and I just had to turn around and go home. Thank God I don't have to hire sitters and stuff anymore, because that would have been a very upsetting situation if it were a couple of years ago. As it is now, it was just a minor inconvenience. I headed back home after making an appt. for next week.  Sadly, after I got home, I couldn't seem to get myself off the couch. I just sat and stared at my phone for like 2 hours. It was pathetic and I was so mad...

Today was a tough one. I am sooooo low and it's driving me nuts. BUT it was unboxing day for our curriculum! So exciting! I can't wait to get started. I thought it would be next Monday, but Ben decided to take off of work next Monday and Tuesday for his birthday, so...it's going to delay school some. The girls also have VBS next week at their friends' church.  I spent four hours unboxing and organizing curriculum, then I went out to do some returns (got $340 back from Lowe's!!!!!!!), and a little more school shopping. We realized we have no food in the house at all, so we decided to get Bob Evan's, since kids eat free on Tuesdays. However, we were there for five minutes and then realized that Jonas had rowing in less than an hour! We got up and left and our server was so upset and obviously very worried that he did something wrong. I tried to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, but he still looked really sad. I felt awful about it. 

It was our last morning in DE and Marme and I decided to take the kids to the mall for a bit. I even let them go on a little shopping spree with their allowances! They were so excited. We went into a whole bunch of shops and, surprisingly, they had stores that sold Squishmallows, which was the only thing they all set out to buy that day. We got Auntie Anne's for lunch, grabbed some stuff we needed from Target (which is attached to the mall), and then headed back, just in time to pack up the car and head out at 2.  As always, Ben was a psycho on the drive and acted like the whole world was against him. We also got rear-ended at one point, which did not improve his mood at all. Thankfully, there was no damage to the car and we were able to keep going on with the trip. We got home at 9:30ish and got everyone to bed. Ben has work in the morning and I have been so depressed that I feel like I just need 10 days to do absolutely nothing and have absolutely no responsibilities. 

We went to the early service at church today and, unfortunately, the sermon kind of sucked. For me, it feels like no big deal. Everybody has off days. But, since I'm so worried about what Ben will think and whether or not Ben will become unhappy in DE, and on and on, I was frustrated about it. The pastor was teaching on taking a sabbath day every week, which I feel like is a common topic lately, but the examples he gave of rest were not things that would necessarily honor God...and isn't that the point of the sabbath?  After the service, we went to another house we decided to check out and it was awesome. Two great houses, connected at the exterior walls. One was a little smaller, but so nice. The bigger one was kind of a mess, and, of course, that's the one we would be in. I think we'd fit fine, but it's priced at the very top of our combined budget and, knowing we'd have to do a lot of work on it to get it ready, we just couldn't afford it. We're consi...

We went to hang out with Skyla, Brandon, and Zayden at their apartment pool this morning for a while. I totally forgot to inform Zach of our plans and, wouldn't you know it, he was texting and calling RIGHT after we hopped in the pool. I didn't see any of his attempts to reach us until I got out and was drying off. I feel like the worst aunt ever. He was pretty bummed. I was really hoping Brandon wasn't going to be there, so I could have a chance to really talk to Skyla. Hopefully I'll find more chances in the future! We got home, hung out for a little while, and then headed over to Nolan's graduation party. So many people there and it was SO STINKING HOT! Man, it was crazy hot. My family mostly stayed in the pool or in the river the whole time. Surprisingly, the pool wasn't packed with people like I expected it to be. The jet skis were getting a lot of use though! Jonas got to learn how to drive one tonight and all of the girls got a ride at different points. I...

I felt pretty good today! In the morning, we went to visit Aunt MaryAnn in the rain. She is leaving for her bi-annual missions trip to Jamaica tomorrow, so I was surprised that she was able to make time for it, but she said she's always make time for a visit with me. :) Which was super nice of her. The kids swam in her pool in the rain for almost two hours. They had a blast. And I just sat and chit chatted with MJ and her.  We got home around 2 and then I paid the bills and looked over the yearbook proof that we're FINALLY about ready to send (yay!). We headed down to Newark for Ben's bday dinner around 3:30 and hung out until SO late. Man, the kids end up staying up way too late while we're here! It was a fun time though. Everyone brought gifts and snacks and I think Ben felt special. I wish he wanted to do a bigger thing, but he says he doesn't. I feel like his 40th should be a bigger deal! Alas, I can't force him into wanting his birthday to be a bigger deal....

We headed out bright and early this morning, at 7am. We hit a couple of little snags on the way out, but the drive went pretty well and felt SO fast, compared to the beach trip! We got to DE at 3:15 and went straight to the house we've been considering buying and had a showing with Gary. Truthfully, the house feels very small. It says it's 3,000 sq feet, but it felt tiny! I think we could make it work, especially for the price, but Ben was not a fan. At all. I guess we don't have to worry about our differences in opinion, since the house is already in contract.  After the showing, we headed up to dad and MJ's and got settled in. I texted Evie to see if she wanted to go out tonight, while Zach was blowing up my phone, asking if we could hang out. I figured we'd all hang out together, but then just started to get SO DANG TIRED. We had some dinner and my mood and level of awake-ness declined further and further. Eventually, I cancelled with Zach, and since I hadn't...

Today was way too busy. I woke up and basically rolled out of bed and into the van for my (hopefully last) staff meeting. I left the kids here alone because we couldn't use the playground today, so I ended up leaving a little early so they wouldn't be home alone for too long. A few minutes after I got home from the meeting, Kate got here with Ella and we got to hang out for a little while. That was so great. I just love her. I have no idea what she's really thinking, but she knows how to make you feel like she's right on the same page! Sadly, that was just a short visit, because I had to push it back for the stinking staff meeting that I forgot about and they had to leave by 1.  After the busy morning, we went to the library so me and Jonas could get some new books and then I cleaned the car out. I did some laundry and organized books to pack away for future homeschool years. I was supposed to meet with Rachel tonight to talk and I cancelled. I have a feeling she is goi...

We had Wild & Free this morning, which went really well. I had a great time catching up with Claire and Jillian. Sadly, I didn't get to talk to Anne as much as I had hoped, but we made plans for next week.  Jonas went to rowing tonight! He had a great time. He feels like it's a sport he could really get into, like I thought he would. But, of course, it was just the first practice. We'll see how he feels after the two weeks of intro. to rowing. It's a big time commitment, but I'd love for him to find a sport to be involved with. 

This morning was pretty relaxed, aside from the terrible stomach cramps I had. The spackle still wasn't dry today, so I couldn't put the waterproofing coat onto the shower. We did have a lot of back and forth with Gary and MaryJo about the Delaware house we've been looking at. Of course, three days before we are going out to see it, it's in contract. We decided to not get into some bidding war and to just kind of let it go. We are going to still see the house when we get out there, in case their offer falls through, but I'm feeling pretty hopeless about that specific property. IDK. In a way, it's a relief. We know that Ben is staying at his job until next fall, and it was going to be stressful to live in two places, but at the same time, I was eager to have a place there and be a part of things in DE again. We'll just be cramming into dad and MJ's rental until we find a more suitable space for us all.  Ruby and I left around 12:30 to head over to the hom...

I feel like I'm just going through the motions lately, since I've been feeling so sick all the time. I got through CT this morning, but, for the first time, sat for 20 minutes of it. I just needed a break. I also have been feeling really sad about moving today. It's like, Ben and I made this decision, based off of how we felt God was leading us, and I just took it and ran with it, without stopping to feel too much. I've been afraid that if I let myself get caught up in emotions, I'd lose my nerve to go through with it. I can't even say how many times I've felt God leading me and have chickened out or allowed myself to let go of what I thought he was telling me to do because it was inconvenient (like this is) or painful (also like this is) or because Ben and I weren't on the same page. Praise God, we're on the same page with this. But he can be so capricious at times and I'm more afraid of him changing his mind than me. I'm afraid that plannin...

Today was a pretty chill day. We mostly just hung out at home. I did some little things in the bathroom, like hanging up hardware, but not much else. I hiked with Kylienne in the morning, which was HARD. I've been getting up a little later lately, like 8am, but I had to leave by 8 to meet her at Highbanks, so I needed to get up at 7:30. I didn't sleep well the night before, so it was kind of torturous to drag myself out of bed and get ready for a hike. BUT it was a good time and I'm glad we did it. Of course, we mostly just talked about moving stuff. I'd rather just catch up and chit chat, but I get that this is what people want to know about right now. I just feel like I've had so many hard conversations about the move over the last month that I kind of don't want to have anymore. She said that Travis is really sad about Ben moving and that's why he's been weird with Ben lately.  In the evening, we took the kids to the pool and hung out for a couple of ...

We didn't do too much today. I'm actually looking forward to getting school started again, just so we have something going on during our days. Granted, we're not doing anything because I'm not making any plans and I could change that if I wanted to...but I don't. Not yet.  I took the kids to the pool for a while and talked to Justina while we were there. She is really struggling down in New Orleans. She is feeling like she has no purpose right now. She has no job, no friends, and no car. She has no prospects. She's just sitting in her dad and stepmom's house, while Chris gets completely wasted every single day and makes her miserable. I could not put myself back in the position of living with an alcoholic again, not ever. I don't know how she's standing it. Even when I wasn't in the line of fire, being around people who are drunk every day is really hard. It's tough to explain, but just imagine being around a drunk friend, except they're ...

Happy Independence Day! This was the first year that I can remember that we've literally done nothing. Just absolutely nothing, all day. We watched the Independence Day movie for pizza and a movie night and I made some crab cakes to switch things up a bit. Kwin did some fireworks in the cul-de-sac that the girls really enjoyed, so we hung outside for that. It's a little sad that most of my family is in Cherrystone celebrating right now and I'm just sitting in my house. But that's the way it goes some years! 

I ended up not doing what I intended to today, because, damn, I really hate sanding spackle. I ended up feeling kind of crappy for a lot of the day and laying around. Eventually, I got myself up, got a Starbucks, and ran to the library for another book. Ben cooked dinner, and then we headed to the fireworks! The vibe was just different this year than last year. Last year, we were so blown away by the view and so grateful that we got to be there. This year, the kids were being obnoxious and Ben was SO anxious about what traffic would be like when we left that it took away from the experience a bit. And we DID get stuck in traffic. A lot. But, before that, we waited for 30 minutes for an elevator! Ben was absolutely spiraling out of control. Like, clutching his head, pacing, whimpering, slamming on the elevator call button over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Just going crazy. I was trying to keep the kids calm and trying to get Ben to see how insane he was being. Whil...

Today was a busy day! I took the kids to Wild & Free for the first time in 6 weeks and it was such a good time. We went to Highbanks and hung out at the big creek for a couple of hours. The kids had a blast and I really enjoyed catching up with the ladies.  We got home around 1pm and we all ate a little bit of lunch, then the kids decided to play outside for basically the next three hours. Which was AMAZING. I finally pulled myself together and sanded the dang spackle in the hallway. It didn't take too long, but it was incredibly messy. Clean up took almost as long as the sanding did. Tomorrow, I'll work on sanding the bathroom. 😓 And then paint!! That will be the satisfying part. Finally getting things painted and trimmed out. I'm a little intimidated by the trim, since it didn't go great last time, but I have more experience now and I think it'll be ok.  I showered after that messy job, drank a cup of tea, and then Ben and I went on a little date to Grandad...