July 25, 2024 - Thursday


Today was the girls' last day at VBS for the week and, while the girls were there, Emily came to visit. It's not like it was a bad visit; it wasn't. It just felt like, for the first half, we skirted around the point of her visit and then for the second half of the visit, I said things she didn't really want me to say, and she tried to argue that I should rethink all of my thoughts...gently. I've kind of gotten to the point where I don't have much left to say. I'm not going to continue to defend myself and I don't have good reasons for doing anything I'm doing. I have felt dissatisfied with HC and Dwell for a long time, and planned on leaving once volunteer recruitment was done. Sadly, being in conflict with so many people has made it easier for me to walk away. That's really it. We had to make a decision about whether to stay in Dwell for the rest of our time in Ohio or try something different and I want to try something different. It's not like I'm feeling totally at peace about this. I feel yucky about it all. I feel sick when I think about staying and I feel sick when I think about leaving. I just want to disappear. And, honestly, this is why it would have been so much easier if we were going to move this summer. But I know God has a purpose in our sticking around for a little longer...so here we are!

We were invited to small group at Meadow Park Church by the girls' friends' parents. Ben is not ready to try a new church and I said no at first too. But then the kids wore me down, because so many of their friends are going to be there. I eventually gave in and just went. They were a good group of people. Very different from HC, for sure, but good. The teaching was more of a group discussion and there was a big variety of knowledge levels and length of time following God among the people there. I feel a little commitment-shy. I don't know that I really want to get deeply invested anywhere right now, but I DO know that I need teachings and fellowship. We'll see where this goes. 

The only photo I took today was a screen shot of a tortoise wearing a dinosaur costume. 

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