Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

I did the whole morning getting ready to leave in a good mood. I withstood the entire eight hour drive, and all of the nonsense included, in a good mood. I drove the last hour and a half in gridlocked traffic in a good mood. I tried to cheer Ben up when his family planned a get together this evening without him and then randomly invited him at the last minute. I saw him off with a kiss and smile when he swallowed his pride and went anyway. But for some reason, him texting me that he's having a great time, I cannot handle. It's too much! I'm so darn mad about it! Why is that?? I kept saying I hoped he'd have fun. Did I not actually hope that? I'm very annoyed with myself AND the stupid Boettchers. 

We were planning to leave today for DE, but Ben wanted a little bit of a shorter trip, so we decided to leave tomorrow morning instead. We participated in a service project through CACH this morning and sorted through donated clothes at the Bloom free store. It was a good time! It's the first time I've really done anything service related in years and the first time ever for the kids. I spent the rest of the day cleaning, doing laundry, and packing. It was a productive day!  We did miss Friendsgiving this evening, which was a bummer. I asked Ben if he'd be up for it and he said it's always a pretty awkward time, and he felt like it would be way worse to be the first thing he goes to in five months. I can understand that, but I felt kind of sad not going. 

Today was a great day! Well, it was a great afternoon. We attended Meadow Park this morning because one of the ladies from the small group I've been going to was getting baptized. I'm pretty sure we won't be going anymore, but I felt like I wanted to show up for this. Ben was very grumpy being there and super angry with the kids when we got home. Nobody knows why. He tried to say that I was mad at him and that's why he was acting that way *shrug*. I have no idea. Anyway, I just shrugged it off and suggested we do some work in the yard. I closed the garden down for the fall/winter and Ben tilled the ground. Since it looks like we'll be here for a while, I wanted to make sure it would be ready for the spring! We dug up our carrots, which were crazy looking, as always, but tasty. I have some herbs that have been out there going crazy and I haven't been using them at all! I figured they were dead, but I was totally wrong. They are wild. 

I finished my 5th 1,000+ page book in a row this morning! The 6th book in the series comes out on 12/6 and I can't wait. I'm not sure how I'll fill my free time until then. :) Ben says he's worried I won't have anything to do that relaxes me, but I'm sure I'll find something! We decided to take the kids to a movie and then walk around the mall. We saw The Best Christmas Pageant Ever and it was really good! It might have been more of a pizza and a movie night kind of movie, honestly. Ollie got a little bored and, in truth, it wasn't very exciting. But it was a Christian Christmas movie and I really did like it. The older kids enjoyed it a lot. We went to the mall afterwards and it did get a little stressful eventually, but we didn't stay long. Ben stopped to buy MtG cards on the way home, and that REALLY stressed me out. He spends so much money on cards! And he rationalizes it by selling cards too, so that he usually evens out. I'm not sure why it...

I got to have dinner with Terracina today! But I'm jumping the gun a little. We did school in the morning and I felt such a sense of relief when it was over. Like, I have a WEEK off of school!!! Woo! I feel like I'll be able to get everything done that I've ever wanted to. Of course, the reality will probably be that I sit on my phone for the equivalent of three days and then we go to DE, and then we get back and get back to school. But still. So hopeful and excited today!  I spent several hours deep cleaning the homeschool room in the afternoon, because it really needed it. And I just wanted to come back and do school in a clean room when Thanksgiving break is over. I think I'll work on Ollie's room next. Inevitably, cleaning put me in a grumpy mood, just thinking about how messy and inconsiderate the kids are. I got over it pretty quickly, though, and headed out to dinner with Cina! We had a good time. Our waiter seemed super annoyed that we wouldn't leave, bu...

We had CACH co-op today and I always love being there. Such a great group of people and the kids are so fun. The guitar class I help in was a disaster though. The teacher was absent, so me and the other helper spent 20 minutes trying to connect our phones to the TV. She seemed pretty set on having the kids do something educational, where I was kind of feeling like lets just do something fluffy, since it's the last class of the semester. Eventually, when technology failed us, we ended up playing a Pictionary type game on the whiteboard, which was fun. At least the boys weren't just running around, yelling. *shrug* The teacher was absent for the second class too, but so were all but one of the kids, so we stuck him in gym class and I walked around taking pictures. The leadership team told me they were thinking about adding a 4th leader and wondered what our plans were, if I was still leaving. I told them that it isn't looking like it at this point, but we haven't decided ...

I ended up sitting in the car for about three hours straight today and, by the time I was done, I just wanted to explode. I am so glad the Westerville choir ends soon, because I just don't think I can handle the busyness of Wednesdays much longer! I know how much Clemi loves it and it IS worth the sacrifice, but I am not built to be a taxi mom. It was raining/snowing all day and there was traffic everywhere we went. Just a mess.  When I finally got Clem and Ruby dropped off at carol choir, I started to work on dinner. I had planned this meatloaf shepherd's pie thing and I'm not thrilled with how it turned out. Everyone said they liked it, but it was a little weird. Always sad to use a bunch of expensive ingredients on something that isn't good. I have a feeling those leftovers will sit for a while!  I decided not to go to small group tonight because I just wasn't feeling it. The whole afternoon had felt rushed and stressful, and I didn't want to rush through din...

We've missed several weeks of Wild & Free, so I was determined to go this morning. Of course, it was raining. I packed everyone up with their rain coats and went anyway! And it rained, literally, the whole time. I did not have a rain coat on and was getting really uncomfortable after more than an hour of being out in the rain. But it really wasn't a bad time. I got to catch up with a lot of the ladies and had some good conversations. The kids all had a great time getting wet and *gasp* muddy. It was fun!  By the time we got home, it was after lunch. I got everyone fed, started the chicken in the crock pot, and started school. I was really hoping to grout the rest of the shower today, but I had book club at 7 and we didn't finish school until 4:30. So I had to get dinner ready right after that, then had my Zoom book club. We discussed my pick this week and I was so glad that everyone loved it! I picked Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson. It's such a cute,...

We had a field trip this morning to the Raber Farm. It was, honestly, a bit of a bummer. We did get to pet animals and stuff, but the description said that the kids could ride a horse and they decided last minute to not do that. We spent a couple of hours there and then came home.  In the evening, I did go to HC and it was really good. It didn't feel awkward. It felt like home to me. Of course, it just makes things more difficult with the other group, because it's seeming more and more like I'm going to have to disappoint them all next. But I've known all along that this church doesn't feel right; it was easy and convenient, and I thought it was just going to be for a really brief time before we moved to DE. Trying to pray through all of these thoughts and worries, but I don't feel like I'm hearing anything back. Just over here yelling into a void. 

It was a pretty relaxing day today. I mostly just read and played video games. Ben went to MtG for a few hours and Jonas went to HC. Clemi went to an event at Meadow Park at 4:45, so for a couple of hours, it was just me and Ollie.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking about how many HUGE decisions I made over the summer, while I was dealing with the worst mental health crisis I've ever had in my life. I told several of my close friends that I literally "thought I was going crazy" and, yet, I totally trusted myself to make these enormous life-altering decisions. I hurt my friends and I put Ben in several uncomfortable positions, where he was forced to compromise what he felt was right. I feel like a fool. And I'm trying to get to the point where that's ok; where I can say that I needed a true lesson in humility and accept it as, ultimately, good for me. That being said, I am going to HC tomorrow to see if I can find a place there again, and I...

I'm feeling a lot better today! Not, like, completely better, but it's an improvement. I was showering midday and had the thought that we should take our family pictures for our Christmas cards. I'm sad I didn't push to have them done outside when the leaves were pretty, but it'll do. (Actually, they're kind of terrible now that I've taken and edited them. Alas, I'll work with what I've got.) So, I get everyone dressed and do their hair. Get myself dressed and hair done and makeup on. And then Ollie starts having a meltdown because Ruby's dress is prettier than hers. You have got to be kidding me! After almost an hour of soothing, and disciplining, and getting extremely pissed off, we got her calm enough to take pictures. I get everything set up with my worst tripod because my good one is MIA, my camera keeps falling right off of the clip because this tripod is so cheap and awful, we're all posing and pretending we're not stressed and ups...

I didn't feel great again today. Congestion and runny nose have both entered the equation, leaving me feeling yucky. I saved science experiments for today in school, so the kids had a pretty fun morning, at least. We didn't do much today at all. I watched two episodes of Call the Midwife  and we just kind of scrounged for dinner. I feel like Ben is going to want me to cook something one of these days soon. In the evening, Clemi performed at a poetry slam with our LHM co-op. She did a great job! She did one of her original poems and she had to go up SECOND. She's so brave! I masked up and sat in the back so I could be there to support, and we headed out once the performances were done, but I'm still glad I got to be there. She was really proud of herself. When we got home, we "finally" decorated the Christmas tree. The kids are so eager to get all the things done, but it's only 11/15! Christmas is still like 40 days away. They don't seem to understand a...

I felt a little better today! We got school done in the morning and then I decided to run out and grab a couple of things from Costco. Alas, that ended up being way too much for me. I got a couple of pizzas to go and left shortly after. A little after that, I brought Ollie to her gymnastics class, since she already missed it last week. I figured I could handle 45 minutes reading alone. It went fine, apart from my guilt at going out at all when I'm sick. The pandemic really drilled the irresponsibility of it into my head!  We had pizza and a movie night tonight and watched a Christmas movie. It was a good one and we started bed time shortly after. Our tree is up, but I still haven't felt well enough to actually get the boxes of ornaments and decorate it. Soon!

Jeez, these posts are going to start sounding identical! I'm sick. We stayed home almost all day and did school. Big day. Woo. I did drive Clem to choir and sat in the car while she was in there and then dropped the girls off at their next choir. So, I got to drive for a looonnnng time. Ben and I went together to pick them up and he suddenly got into a terrible mood, which was a lot of whiplash-y fun. Granted, there was about 10 minutes of traffic so....entirely understandable that he proceeded to snap on the kids for the rest of the night. He drove Jonas to the library to get the books that he has on hold, then turned around and left without picking the books up because the library was too busy for his tastes. And then he had the nerve to bite Jonas's head off for not being happy and warned him that he "better not complain". He railed on Clem twice for small things and she's currently laying on the ground with a box over her head, crying, saying she's the wor...

Well, another day of feeling pretty terrible. My throat hurts worse, but at least I don't have a bad headache today. I'm feeling like being sick will be the reason I don't go this weekend, rather than feeling forced into a corner and destroying all of the relationships there by blurting out that I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO!  We did nothing today, other than school. Ben had a seriously awful panic attack this morning. He woke me up at 7am, crying, talking about all of these terrible things that were happening and how he's going to just give up on everything. He left for work shortly after, but texted saying he was leaving because he had a blowup at work. Apparently, he was supposed to have a biometric screening and the nurse was "incompetent". It sounds like he cussed her out and left? But he won't give me details. He was supposed to have a meeting with his director this afternoon, but instead, he came home, wrapped himself in his robe, and laid in bed for ...

Ugh. So crappy feeling today! Ben went to visit his dad in Marietta and took the van, but, honestly, I don't even care because I don't think I could bring myself to get dressed and take the kids anywhere anyway. It's such a perfect day outside though. The kids spent a lot of time in the yard today, while I laid on the couch with a pounding headache, sore throat, and feeling like I could fall asleep at any moment. I'm trying to get through this awful book on gratitude, written from a secular perspective, for book club tomorrow. Of course, I have no idea if I'll be feeling well enough to even go to book club. I'm thinking it might be COVID, but could just be a regular cold. As we were leaving the concert the other night, we had to scoot past all of these people. Right as a new song started, this guy I was walking past belted out the words to the song and got spittle ALL OVER MY FACE. I'm guessing that's where I got whatever this virus is. So gross.  Kwin a...

Today was a great day! Nice and rainy and moody. Loved it. We decided to skip church this morning, because why not? Bad attitude, but it felt nice to spend the morning at home. We decided to break out the Christmas decorations mid-morning and cleaned and set up decorations for the next few hours. After that, we ran out to Home Depot to waste some money on a bunch of crap we didn't need, which nearly brought me to tears...especially since we were just overdrawn a few freaking days ago. Nonetheless, we got some crap.  The rest of the day was pretty chill. I mostly just read, but started to feel kind of sick towards the evening. Me, Jonas, Clem, and Ben played dominoes for a while and then I headed to bed to pass out. Hoping I'm feeling better by tomorrow!

I pretty much committed myself to doing nothing today. I have had SUCH a busy week. Every day was so full and, even when I wasn't actively busy, I felt a lot of pressure to be doing something because MJ just kind of makes me feel that way. So yeah, I sat almost all day and did nothing, for the most part. Ben and I ran to the grocery store at one point to grab food for dinner and then Ben cooked later. That was it! I'm so frustrated with myself right now. I keep trying to put off thinking about it, but it's coming up and I can't really avoid it anymore. Here's the deal. I started going to this small group pretty consistently over the summer. I like the group. They're good people. But I'm not committed to this church or this group at all. We're moving soon (eventually? I have no idea when) and I don't really like the ladies in the group personally, so I'm not super attached. The ladies started planning a retreat many, many months ago. The retreat i...

I have had such a crazy, busy week! Every day has been a morning of school or co-op and then a super full afternoon of working in the bathroom. Dad and MJ leave tomorrow and we are not quite done, but I should be able to do the rest myself. I just have to have a little self-confidence! In short supply lately. Anyway, all that's left is the tile grout, the transition strip, some trim in the hallway, and painting. I have not taken any pictures of my life in days until tonight. So, tonight was awesome! I was having some anxiety about going, for sure, but nothing compared to Ben. I mean, we might as well have been walking straight into the very pits of Hell, as crazy as he was acting. I kept offering to take Jonas alone, but he wouldn't have it and, THANK GOD, he calmed down when we got in! First, we got a parking spot right out front! Literally, five cars down from the venue. Absolute perfection! Then, we got into a relatively long line outside, which started moving within moments...

Today was a busy day! We spent the whole morning doing school and finished up around 12:15pm. After that, I ate, got changed, and started helping dad in the bathroom. FINALLY, I'm able to help! I've been so busy since they got here that I haven't done a single thing to help out until today. We got the main wall of the shower tiled today. It really took a long time, but now that we have a flow, I think it'll start to go more quickly. I cooked chicken pot pie for dinner and MJ prepped salad. It turned out to be really yummy and everyone (except Ollie) really enjoyed it. I have to figure out what to cook tomorrow! Maybe pierogies? I have no idea. It's going to be another busy day. I have to make time to vote!  More football tonight, of course, so I'm spending some time up in our bedroom, catching up on the blog. :)

We got home from our date around 9am. That extra hour (daylight savings) really helped us to get back long before church. We all headed out and got there on time. The sermon was actually pretty good. I feel like he's says some really bold things, considering the congregation. What I mean is, the members of the church are mostly my parents age and older. The pastor is probably 50-ish? When he talks about politics, he really pushes hard for people to kind of let go of their political passions and embrace following Jesus as their main focus. He'll downright say that posting about how amazing one candidate is on Facebook, while calling everyone who follows the other candidate idiots is absolutely wrong. I could see some of the old fogies shuffling in their seats and glancing over at their spouses while he was talking. I'm surprised people don't leave, honestly! Anyway, it's not like it's uncommon for a pastor to say these things. I just get surprised that he doesn...

Ben and I decided to have our date day and night away today, and thankfully my parents were open to it! We left around noon and ran to Target and Staples for a couple of errands, ate a light lunch at Arby's and then headed to the movie theater to watch the new Venom movie. We had so much fun! It was a ridiculous movie and bad in a lot of ways, but I had a lot of fun watching an adult movie without worrying about my four kids in the theater. It's been a loooonnnng time since we've done that! After the movie, we checked into our hotel, then headed to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We had a little wait, so we went over to Barnes & Noble in the meantime. We were called for dinner about a half hour later and then were seated in the most awful little table, just 18" from the strangers next to us. Nobody likes those terrible group bench seat things. Why do restaurants do it? It was awful and we just got up and left because neither of us felt comfortable being crammed ...

It's officially Christmas season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo!!! We had LHM this morning, unfortunately. It went fine, but I just don't enjoy it at all and neither do most of the kids. Alas, we are committed. I tried to go in there with a more positive attitude than usual and I think I succeeded! The day went relatively quickly. and we did all of our activities. I just wish we had more options for things to do with them. Maybe I need to spend some more time brainstorming. I guess I don't really want to have to spend a lot of time prepping either though, so maybe it's better this way? I don't know. It's a good class, just pretty loud and hyper some weeks. But that's kindergartners.  I spent a lot of time talking with MJ this afternoon and Ben and I revisited our conversation from last night, which I really didn't want to do. But it's fine. I guess we should try and talk more.  Sharing a throwback of this costume from two years ago that I didn't finish...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! The kids are so darned psyched about today! We started the morning driving an hour to Urbana, OH for a field trip to the Johnny Appleseed museum. It was kind of a dud, to be honest. We just listened to the curator talk for an hour and a half. My kids did great, but a bunch of the other kids did pretty horrible. We went to a playground with some of the other moms afterward, and the kids played while I chatted. It was fine, but I was eager to get home and see how I could help dad with the bathroom. Turns out, I couldn't help him at all by the time I got home!  We spent the afternoon, basically, just waiting for Trick or Treating to start. MJ made us a delicious soup for dinner. So yum! And then we FINALLY got to get dressed and head out. Of course, it rained a bit, because what would Halloween in Ohio be if it weren't raining or snowing?? But the kids got a good haul and everyone stayed in great spirits. This might be the first Halloween when nobody cried or be...