November 9, 2024 - Saturday



I pretty much committed myself to doing nothing today. I have had SUCH a busy week. Every day was so full and, even when I wasn't actively busy, I felt a lot of pressure to be doing something because MJ just kind of makes me feel that way. So yeah, I sat almost all day and did nothing, for the most part. Ben and I ran to the grocery store at one point to grab food for dinner and then Ben cooked later. That was it!

I'm so frustrated with myself right now. I keep trying to put off thinking about it, but it's coming up and I can't really avoid it anymore. Here's the deal. I started going to this small group pretty consistently over the summer. I like the group. They're good people. But I'm not committed to this church or this group at all. We're moving soon (eventually? I have no idea when) and I don't really like the ladies in the group personally, so I'm not super attached. The ladies started planning a retreat many, many months ago. The retreat is next weekend, the 15th-17th. From the beginning, I was kind of like, I have no idea if I'm going. I never gave them a yes, but in an effort to not mess anything up, I paid a portion of the deposit, in case I wanted to go. Really, that was my first mistake. My next mistake was even bigger and completely trapped me. I agreed to drive other people. No, I never said I would go, but then I said I would freaking drive! I have known from the start that I would not want to go on this retreat. I DO NOT WANT TO GO AT ALL. Why did I let myself get pressured into doing this?????? Now I have no idea how I'll get out of it. Someone save me! 

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