May 4, 2022 - Wednesday

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!! 💀😆😭 Oh, it's just TOO funny to hold that one in any longer! Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that joke. :)

Anywho, I'm clearly not a comedian. Let's get on with this. Clemi *thought* she was sick this morning, so she stayed home with me and Ollie. I was going to basically cancel the day, but then, as I realized she wasn't actually sick at all, decided to just go ahead with all of my plans. I couldn't send her to school, because she would have just gone to the nurse and the nurse would have called me to pick her up anyway. We went to the parenting meeting at church, which turned out to be really great and inspiring. Afterwards, we headed to the eye doctor for Ollie. She didn't pass her vision exam with the pediatrician, so we needed to get her checked out. After a very, very long exam (for which she was basically non-compliant), we learned that her vision is fine! Hooray! 

Mother's Day is coming up and it's bringing up lots of feelings for me. I'm not sad, necessarily, but there's a sense of emptiness, for sure. I'm finally in the position where I could actually give my mom generous gifts and she's not around to receive them anymore. Not that she'd really want them or care all that much, but still. I've been thinking about her a lot. Thank God she'll be in Heaven with me, but...idk, I guess I'm just wishing I had a more complete extended family. We're in shambles. My mom is dead, my stepdad has completely abandoned any family ties we had, my brother is dead, my sister is an asshole who treats my parents like garbage and makes only the smallest attempts at having a relationship with me, my baby sister won't respond to my texts and seems to be trying to cut me out of her life. One of my half-brothers is dead and the other is so wrapped up in his own busyness that he never responds to my attempts to reach out to him. My grandma and aunt and uncles all have their own lives that don't involve me at all in their separate corners of the U.S. I only have dad and MJ and they're 500 miles away. It makes me feel lonely. I am SO thankful for Ben and my kids, who keep my life full of life and love and laughter ("live, laugh, love", am I right?), but I still mourn for what I don't have sometimes. This has turned into a very depressing, woe is me kind of post. I'm sorry for that. I have SO much more than I need. Even all of my wants are usually exceeded. I have good friends and plenty of support and love on all sides. I'm good. And underneath it all, at the root of everything, I have God, who keeps me going and gives me all the strength and hope I need.