July 5, 2023 - Wednesday

Man, I'm starting to feel a bit drained. The heat is so yucky and the girls have been fighting a lot. Trying to handle everything peacefully really takes a lot out of me! It's very sad, but it's true. My default is to snap at them or make some decisive action that hushes everyone up so I can have peace and quiet and, while that works for me, I worry that my kids were feeling unheard, so I've been trying to do better or at least different. It's exhausting and I also have this nagging insecurity that flares up every time my kids get on my nerves saying, 'You shouldn't be homeschooling them. Look at how awful you are. You can't even stand a few weeks in the summer!' I'm trying to fight it off and tell myself it's not true. I'm trying to pray about it, asking for confidence and stamina. I want to be successful for all of our sakes, but I'm so afraid that in the end I'll fail everyone. And, on that happy note, the day goes on!

I had to go to a staff meeting this morning. I always dread them, but they really are encouraging usually. Afterwards, we went to visit Brit for a while, which was good. When I got home, I just cleaned a bit and finally started packing for Cherrystone. Never a fun process! There's just so much to get ready and, as I said, I'm feeling drained. I think I'm probably hormonal too. 

I never really paid much attention to my cycle because I'm not a hippy (😉) but I've been thinking it might have more to do with my moods than I used to realize. I notice the headaches first, usually for 9+ days before my period, but I have also noticed just being in a crappy mood for a week and half or so before my period. And then also when I'm on my period. So...basically half of my life. Really, really hoping not to get my period while we're at Cherrystone. I can't even express how difficult and gross that would make things.