March 29, 2025 - Saturday

It was a good day! I mean, there were some emotions happening, but it was ultimately good. Ben woke me up this morning saying that he was not going to go on the guys cell retreat as planned. I was not surprised at all but was very disappointed. I'd been hoping this would be an opportunity for him to show that he's a part of the group because he always feels like such an outsider. My thought process was that there's all these new guys...and if Ben went to this retreat at the same time as all of these new people, he'd be seen as an established person in the group. Does that make sense? Not going on the retreat makes it seem like he's a fringe member, leaving him to forever feel like an outsider. Whatever. I need to just let it go, since I cannot control his behavior or feelings at all. But it hurts a little. I want fellowship for him, but he just won't allow himself to be vulnerable with this group again at this point. 

Because I thought Ben was going to be gone, I asked Kylienne if she would meet me here for a walk so I wouldn't be gone from the kids for as long. She did come here and we walked for about an hour, catching up on life. That was a really great time! She didn't seem annoyed that Ben was still at the house, thankfully. It made me feel like a bit of an ass. 

When we got back to the house, Maria was here for a visit! How lucky are we to have had such an amazing babysitter, that she still stops by when she's in town, just to say hello?? So blessed to have such awesome people in our lives. 

In the afternoon, I worked on the floors! And nearly finished! 

Something that ate at me all day was that I was supposed to hang out with Ashley this afternoon and didn't. She never texted to ask if we were still going to do it and neither did I. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, just kind of letting it hang out there and I knew I should just text her and either postpone or meet up, but I didn't. *face palm* I just did not want to hang out with her at all!!! I wanted to get the floors done! Feeling like a jerk, but I'll text her tomorrow and try to fix it.

*It was a whole 70 degrees today, so of course the girls needed to play in the sprinkler! They didn't last long. :)