December 4, 2025 - Thursday

We had our CACH Christmas party today and it really is the time I feel loneliest in this co-op. I'm just not a party type of person, I think. The larger the crowd, the harder it is to have conversations with people. However, I saw Kara Brown's husband sitting all alone and looking miserable, so I did sit and talk to him for almost 20 minutes. We got to talking about church and it sounds like he's in a similar place as Ben with things. It just makes me wonder how many people are in that same spot. Kate and her husband are struggling, Kara's husband is struggling, my husband is struggling, and me to some extent, and what I'm hearing is nearly the same from everyone. There's this idealistic talk within Dwell about doing life together, but nobody can get in any time with anyone as a real friend. You're scheduled in and that's the only time you get. We want to DO LIFE with one another. We want to hang out, have dinners, celebrate, mourn, and so on. We want to be brothers and sisters, not an obligation someone is fulfilling for two hours each week. We're lonely and all of us have been hanging in there for a long time, trying to figure out whether or not we're the problem and what we're doing wrong. One common thread I've noticed is that none of us seem to have much family around, so maybe that's part of it. We're seeking family and the people we're in HC with are already family-rich. I don't know. It just makes me think. Not that I think other churches are doing it better, but how to we find a way to relieve some of the lonely ache?

After the party, we came home and started to pick back up on school, then I got a notice that Clem left her brand new, very expensive coat at the church. I was afraid to have it put in the lost and found because people steal sometimes and I just didn't want to risk it! I ended up running back out to the church and I was shaking I was so furious with Clem. She just shrugged and said, "Huh. I didn't even remember I brought it." When I got back, I lectured her a little bit about the importance of caring for our belongings. She fought back and ended up screaming at me and running up to her room when I told her not to defend herself but to just listen to me. Fun times. 

Ben skipped cell tonight and we had pizza and a movie night. It was Guardians of the Galaxy 2. So good!