April 21, 2026 - Tuesday



We actually went to W&F today! It's been a while. But it was really nice. I got to see some of my good friends and just sit around and watch the kids play in nature. It was chilly this morning (I actually wore my winter coat!) but the kids ended up playing in the stream anyway. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was! Their feet were freezing, but thankfully none of them got their clothes wet. 

We left there and I dropped the kids off, then headed to lunch with Grace. I thought it was kind of awkward and had a tough time keeping conversation moving with her, but she texted afterwards and said she loves hanging out with me and she wants to do it again soon. I think it would be really hard to be Grace. She's still very homesick, even after 13 years being here. She has very few good friends, a strange, platonic romantic relationship with an older man, and her two kids that, she admits, largely ignore and avoid her. She desperately wants to move back to China but feels like she can't until her kids are older. I really do like her a lot, but we don't have a ton in common. I'm just going to keep trying with her. We've been hanging out for over 10 years and we've come a long way.

I am not feeling improved mood-wise, but got to talk about it a little bit with Jillian and a couple other friends at W&F, which honestly felt very good. When I'm isolated, I do tend to feel like nobody would understand and that the way I'm feeling is shameful, but when I can talk it through with someone who understands and who helps me feel like it's not crazy, it's very therapeutic. 

To add to the unwanted socializing, we had dinner with the Grants tonight and, while it did go very well, there was a while today when I was just like, 'I need to cancel this shit right now. I cannot mask this and I don't want to talk to them about it.' I didn't end up masking, but I also didn't let them in on what is going on entirely. Ben steered us into other conversations and, although Sarah is very quiet, it wasn't too uncomfortable. The kids played very, very well together, which was nice. Their kids are so easy to be around. 

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