Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

Day 207 of my 365 Photo Journal  Just another photo from the other day! I had to capture this sweet moment between Ben and Jonas. They're reviewing Farkle scores...although I can't remember who won.  It's only 3pm right now, but lately, this has been the best time of day for me to work on my blog. I like to do it at night, when the day is fully and completely done, but that's just not the way life has been going lately. I've been really, really tired at night and have been going to bed before 10 most nights. Anywho, I had a fun play date with Brittany and Anna earlier today and it was INSIDE! Which was amazing. I'm excited that it's Friday and hoping for some fun time with Ben tonight. I'm not really in a writing kind of mood right now, so I'm just going to stop here! 

Day 206 of my 365 Photo Journal  Pizza and a movie night! I love Thursdays. It's rainy here and although I took a few pictures with my iPhone today, I'm posting one of the pictures Ben took of me and Ollie yesterday and another that Ben took of Ollie with a beautiful background of leaves. I love them both so much.  Today was my Mommom's funeral and I was able to watch some of it on Facebook. Funerals are so hard. They're just so final. The priest mentioned giving God thanks for the life that she lived and the things that we can remember about her and I thought that was a really good idea. I've stored some resentment in my heart towards her for most of life, because I wanted to be special, not just one of the many. But the truth is, there are SO many of us grandchildren. How could I have expected her to be able to do that, especially when I was always pulling away? It was childish and immature and I'm glad I took the time to really think about her today. I am gra...

Day 205 of my 365 Photo Journal Well, I did not get on the plane. I cancelled my flight shortly after midnight, after hours of crying and being sick to my stomach. I kept hoping that I'd be able to talk myself out of my insanity, or pray my way out of it, but to no avail. I spiraled further and further until it felt like I was making the decision to, basically, risk death, just to go to a funeral. It's ridiculous in hindsight (and my rational mind even recognized it then), but I couldn't find my way out of it at the time. I woke Ben up sobbing and told him that I couldn't go. One of the reasons I love Ben is because he never makes me feel ashamed or silly at all for sad or anxious feelings. He supports me and says all the things that make my heart feel better and I'm so thankful for that. I had to send a bunch of sad texts to my family and to Alisha today, but everyone understood.  As far as my pictures go, I have had three occasions to take pictures since my blog p...

Day 204 of my 365 Photo Journal  Tomorrow is the day. :( I'm so sad to be leaving, even if it's only for a couple of days. Right now, this feels like the last thing on earth I want to do. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I'll be in the car heading to the airport at 6:30 tomorrow morning. What was I thinking?? Ugh. Freaking out.  We went to a play date this morning with a biiiggg group of people. It was so nice to see all of my old mommy group friends again. It has been so long! I got my camera out and started taking pictures, only to find, when I got home, that 29/30 of them were blurry. Apparently, my automatic stabilizer was switched off. Can that even cause it? IDK. Probably. Maybe? Maybe I just had my settings way off. But in any case, this is the only picture that turned out. One of my friends brought their dogs and Ollie went over to visit with them for a little bit. It was a really sweet interaction. 

Day 203 of my 365 Photo Journal She closed that little red door *right* before I captured her face through the opening! :( I am obsessed with Little People and have been so excited that she's finally started playing with them. Not much going on today, other than my ever-growing anxiety over my upcoming flight to DE. Ben and I are having the babysitters come tonight so that we can go to home church together tonight, for the first time in over a year! I'm excited. Ben is...not so much. I'm not really sure what to do about that, if anything. It seems like many things that I feel positive about are tinged with anxiety and upset for Benny lately.  On a totally different note, I miss wearing jeans. Like, having that good pair of jeans that just make you feel confident and sexy? I wish I had one of those still. 

Day 202 of my 365 Photo Journal  Last day of the weekend. 😢 It just goes so fast. I didn't mention it yesterday, but since Mommom died (I can't remember if I mentioned it on Thursday or Friday), we've been waiting to hear when services would be so we could figure out when to head out to DE. Well, we found out the details and the funeral is on Thursday morning. With an 8-9 hour drive, that means Ben would have to take of three days and the kids would have to miss three days of school. On top of that, we can't all fit in the same house, staying with relatives, so we'd be split apart about 25 minutes from one another. So we'd drive out Wednesday, I'd drop the three big kids and Ben off at Patrick's. I'd drive up to Evie's, where me and Ollie would share a bed (uh, disaster in the making), then get up by 7 to drive down to Patrick's in rush hour traffic, pick up the family, drive back through rush hour traffic, up into NJ with the whole family a...

Day 201 of my 365 Photo Journal  We're still recovering from our colds over here. Ben is still struggling, especially. Maybe from the vaccine, maybe just from the cold, but he is struggling! We had our home church picnic tonight, which was really nice. Just seeing people's faces in person and talking to people face to face felt good. I've definitely missed it. Things were going really well until one of Anne's kids (who were out of control, as always) hit Clemi in the head with a rock. Ben got super pissed off and couldn't relax the rest of the time we were there and stayed on high alert right next to the kids until we left. I love Anne, but it can be really hard to be around her kids...especially when my kids are with me. They're rough and she just couldn't care less about them hurting each other or anyone else. So...yeah. When I can avoid bringing my kids around them, I do. Anyway, I meant to bring my camera today, but totally forgot in the rush to get out ...

Day 200 of my 365 Photo Journal  Day 200 seems like a turning point, doesn't it? I know that I hit halfway a week or two ago, but this feels like ACTUALLY halfway.  I felt pretty sick today. Getting colds during COVID is just a crazy thing. Like, every time you cough or sneeze, you feel like you need to tell everyone around you that it's not COVID! I got to visit with Jenny this morning outside though, which is always fun. That's another thing I've been thinking about. Why didn't it ever occur to us in the past to hang out outside when we felt sick, rather than just saying you'll either accept the risk and hang out inside, or you'll cancel plans all together? Very strange. Also, we never ever would have considered a mask an option, but it is one! They are helpful. I also got to have lunch with Cina and we actually sat in my car together. 🤯 I warned her sternly about my cold, but she didn't care. We were freezing outside.  For today's picture, I just...

Day 199 of my 365 Photo Journal  Ollie climbed up there all by herself! She was halfway up before I even noticed what was going on and I was so shocked!  Today was a nice day, in the early part of the day, but got increasingly crappy as Ben started to feel increasingly worse from his COVID vaccine. I went to a play date with Anne and then Ben and I took the little girls to Rusty Bucket for lunch...SO YUMMY! But around the time Ben got off work, he started to feel really, really tired and I ended up having to skip girl's cell group, which I was really bummed about. I had lots of bitter feelings towards him and was feeling super frustrated. That's the way it goes when you have plans and they get interrupted, but I wasn't thinking rationally about it at all at the time. Anyway, he ended up getting a fever and feeling terrible, so it's good I stayed home. 

Day 198 of my 365 Photo Journal  It snowed overnight, which we were expecting, but still surprised about at the same time. The part that surprised us was that it actually stuck. The kids were really excited to see the snow and I took Ollie out for a walk in the morning, before it all melted away. The boughs of this big evergreen at the corner of our house were so loaded with snow that they drooped in just the right way to make this little snowy alcove. I thought it was so beautiful and was glad I saw it and made Ollie stand in it for a picture. And then she refused to look at me. SO. It's a nice picture, but it could have been a great one, I think, if only my little stubborn subject had just looked at me, instead of staring away chanting, "cheese. cheese. cheese. cheese."  I realized we have next to nothing in our checking account today, which stopped my heart for a second. But we spent most of our lives with barely any money, so it just took a minute to gather myself and...

Day 197 of my 365 Photo Journal WHEN am I going to take the time to plan a fun photo shoot again??? I'm getting frustrated with myself for never acting on my ideas...not in photography, not around the house, not even for myself! It's like I'm just constantly drained and anything extra that I do is pulling from resources that are already depleted. It feels like it shouldn't be like this, but I don't know how to not feel tired and overwhelmed all the time. Even today, for instance, I basically did nothing. I played with the girls, I read, I was on my phone an incredible amount, I cleaned up the den, did the dishes, and cooked dinner. NOT that much stuff. Really. I need to get in prayer about this, because I just haven't even talked to God about this struggle.  In other, sadder news, Mommom will not live much longer. She just has a couple of days left, at most. She lived a good 95 years, filled with love and family (from my outside perspective...I hope she sees it ...

Day 196 of my 365 Photo Journal Our neighbors down the street made a little obstacle course for their daughter (third from the left) in their driveway, which my kids invited themselves to! I think it'll be a fun little girl gang for them to grow up with. They also have a 7-month-old daughter that will get to join eventually! Back from vacation and back to life. It was a pretty slow day, but I did get to have breakfast with my friend Grace, who I haven't seen since COVID began...even though she lives right in my neighborhood! She has been through a lot over the last year, including her husband leaving her and her children, and it just gave me a surge of appreciation for my husband and my marriage. She is strong and resilient and certainly hasn't let this break her, but she's also lost in a way and unsure of what direction she should go. I'm thankful that she opened up to me, because she's a very private person. I'm hoping to meet with her a little more regula...

Day 195 of my 365 Photo Journal I woke up today terribly dizzy. Maybe something to do with the fact that I slept with my feet elevated and my head lowered, thanks to the awkward sofa bed? This dizziness is so awful. I can barely move, I feel like I'm going to vomit, and I never know when it will end. And of course, I didn't bring my dizziness or nausea meds with me, because why would I get dizzy or nauseous on the trip? It took a couple of hours to clear up and Ben had to do all of the packing and cleaning up himself. 😕  Since I took SO many pictures over the last couple of days, I'll use pictures from yesterday afternoon for todays post.

Day 194 of my 365 Photo Journal  Day 2 was a really fun day! I didn't sleep well last night...at all. It took me hours to actually fall asleep and then I woke up several times between bed time and 6am, when Ollie woke up. Being super tired kind of makes the whole day a little harder and it felt like the LONGEST day ever. We went down the lake after breakfast and hung out for a while, came back for snacks, played outside a little, had lunch, and went down to the lake again. After we got back from that, we did s'mores at the fire, and then got pizza in for dinner. Loooong, but good day. Ollie napped really well and everyone was pretty happy. I'm loving this place and having this time with the kids! I know that we all spend time together all the time, but it's different being away and really focused on one another. 

Day 193 of my 365 Photo Journal Day 1 of our weekend getaway was so nice. In the morning, we went to the zoo (because Clemi was SO jealous that we went without her on Ruby's birthday). We saw the stingrays, the seals, and the bears. Lots of walking and MUCH busier than last time we went, but very fun still! We got to the lake house around 2 and were absolutely blown away when we got inside. I felt so spoiled, because the home was just the most luxurious and detail-oriented place I have ever stayed in. On top of that, they decorated for Ruby's birthday and left her a card, presents, and a birthday cake! Being the emotional woman that I am, I started crying when I saw the cake, embarrassing Jonas for some reason. 🤷 All the little details and thoughtful touches made me feel so loved. We went down to the lake and threw rocks for a bit, Ben and Jonas went fishing (very stressful, from what I understand!), and we had a fire and toasted marshmallows. Everyone went to bed very late an...

Day 192 of my 365 Photo Journal I am officially fully vaccinated! I'm feeling pretty darn excited about it. Honestly, I know I've said this before, but I'm most excited about eating out again. Someone else can wash the damn dishes!!! We'll wait a week or two after Ben's second dose next week, but I cannot wait to go do stuff again. I'm still slightly nervous about the kids, but Ben doesn't feel too nervous about them, which makes me feel better. I spent the whole day cleaning and packing, so I'm using another picture from the Kamola photo shoot today. I'm hoping to get lots and lots of good pictures on our lake trip this weekend! I think it's going to be a lot of fun. We're starting by keeping the kids out of school tomorrow and going to the zoo in the morning, then up to the lake house for the rest of the day. Saturday, we'll go to the Ariel Foundation(?) park and then into town for lunch, and spend the rest of the day hanging out in the...

Day 191 of my 365 Photo Journal HAPPY HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY RUBY!!!!!! This girl, oh, I love her so much. She brings a flavor to our family that I cannot even imagine life without. She goes from zoned out, introverted, and silent, to non-stop chatting, crazy insightful thoughts and comments, and energy absolutely ZOOMING out of her...in the span of an eye blink. Conversations with her are so deep that sometimes I don't even have any idea what we're talking about! She loves everything "pretty" and always wants to look like a princess. Dresses are her jam and pants are the bane of her existence. She's always cold, but still always wearing something that isn't warm at all. She will literally sit inside doing nothing, rather than put on some pants to play outside with the rest of us. She has NO FOMO at all, unless we're talking about Octonauts. She knows what she wants and has no problem going against the grain. You don't like her? She couldn't care less....

Day 190 of my 365 Photo Journal I did a fun/emotional photo shoot for Kamola, her mom, and her daughter this morning. Kamola's mom has been in the U.S. since Mina was like 3 months old or something. Her visa expired a year ago, but because of COVID, she has stayed in the states. I wanted to do this for them since she's leaving next week and everyone is feeling pretty sad about it. The location wasn't exactly what I was expecting and I'm not quite the photographer I wish I were, but I think I got a lot of beautiful shots that I hope they'll treasure.  The rest of the day, unfortunately, was trying. I ended up feeling really bad for myself by the end of it. 😓 Now that the work is done and I'm sitting here with my computer and a glass of wine, I'm feeling so much better suddenly! I think I'm just burnt out and ready for a break...but a break is nowhere in our future, so I have to just push through. 

Day 189 of my 365 Photo Journal We had a dance party! I actually don't love this blurry photo, but the way Ollie is looking at Clemi just melts my heart. She looks up to her big sisters SO much and wants to do everything they do. Sometimes that's good; sometimes that's bad. 

  Day 188 of my 365 Photo Journal  We had a rainy Sunday today and pretty much just took it easy all day. Not too much to report! I DID decide to be a cool mom for a little bit and let the kids all grab umbrellas and walk around in the rain. They were really excited about it. I loved this top photo, although it honestly could be anyone behind those huge umbrellas. 😅 The bottom one had the potential to be great, but unbeknownst to me, as I was taking this series of shots, Ruby accidentally hit Clemi in the face with her umbrella. As a result, all the pictures I took of all four of them have Clemi clutching her face and crying. Of course, once the camera was put away, she was fine again and off into the rain. 😑 I am feeling like a very lazy photographer lately and I don't love it. I am planning to go back through my list of ideas and choose one to work on over the next week. 

Day 187 of my 365 Photo Journal We had Ben's dad and stepmom over for Ruby's birthday party today and when I say it was a party...it was a P A R T Y!!! Haha I'm making that sound more exciting than it was. But once Ruby opened up this air tent, the screams of joy did not stop. PRE-presents, we ate yummy food, played games in the yard, and caught up with Poppop and Grandma. It's such a blessing to be able to have family nearby to show our kiddos love on their special days. 

Day 186 of my 365 Photo Journal I bought Clemi this yard dice set for Easter and one of the games that was suggested in the instructions is called Farkle. What I love about it is that nearly the whole family can play and it's really fun! So, if you take a turn in the game and aren't able to score anything, it's called a Farkle. We have taken to calling the loser of the game (me, the first game and Ben, the second game) Queen or King Farkle. Good times. 😂 King Farkle, here, has the COOLEST method of rolling his dice. He stacks up all six of them and throws them all into the air at once. The way the six dice arc up and fall back down is just so fun to watch. I had to get a picture!  This picture below, I'm not even sure why I like. Ruby was crying about something--I can't remember what--and Ollie is just kind of sitting there. I think it's the composition that draws me to it. I just like it! I ended up feeling really sad tonight because I didn't feel like Ben...

Day 185 of my 365 Photo Journal Today was a good day. I didn't take any photos today, but decided to upload this one of Jonas on Easter. Remember how I said the other day that Jonas's face looked like this all day? Well, I wasn't lying. Part of it is age; part of it is attitude; part of it is circumstance. (Are you allowed to use two semi-colons in a row? I don't think so.) It's easy for me to want to take control: What's making you upset? How do I fix it? But I know that that isn't what he actually needs or wants. He wants to be who he is and he wants me to accept him as he is. The best I can do is little nudges, or I'll end up pushing him away and making him believe I don't think he's ok the way he is. It did hurt my heart to see him sulking all day, when he was SO excited for Easter and prayed about it every night for a week! I shouldn't be surprised, but I have to relearn how to parent at every new age/stage. It's kind of hard to jugg...

  Day 184 of my 365 Photo Journal As usual, I'm filled with feelings. Too many of them! Overall, it was a fun day. I got to see Jenny and her kids FACE-TO-FACE!!! It was so nice. Ollie has been a handful all day...as usual. She had her first time out today, because she hit Ruby. So, she hits Ruby and I said no. Then she hit her again and smiled and I yelled no. Then she kicked her and said, "Kick!" and laughed, and I carted her off to eternal imprisonment/a 1-minute time out. At dinner, she threw a pea at me because I told her to try her food. I mean, she is getting braver and braver with her defiance and I'm seriously sick of it. 

Day 183 of my 365 Photo Journal HALF WAY THERE!!! I have been doing this 365 photo journal for half of a year now. I don't feel proud of myself often (and maybe not even that much now, because like how hard is it to do something you like consistently), but this is a big accomplishment for me. I stuck with something! And I did it for 183 freaking days! So cool.  I had a pretty active, fun day today. I met with Kelly in the morning and played outside with the kids in the afternoon. It didn't feel like anything special, although I recognize that it's such a privilege to be out, meeting with friends again and also just to be a stay at home mom who can hang out outside with her kids when she wants to.  I've been thinking about how I haven't done any fun photo shoots in a while, so I need to think of something and just do it. 

Day 182 of my 365 Photo Journal It is the mondayest of Mondays. Just one of those days where I am dragging myself around to everything I have to do. I honestly would love a drink right now. Ollie has been doing all of the worst things Ollie does today. I will list them here, so that I can always remember why four children is more than enough. Ollie pulled all of the toilet paper off the roll. I found her sucking on a tube of toothpaste. She refused to go downstairs because she wanted to get dressed first...even though her clothes were downstairs. She wouldn't let me change her poopy diaper. She flipped out when I buckled her in and insisted on getting out of the car at the bus stop. She flipped out when I buckled her back in the car. She walked slower than molasses when we were trying to get to Ruby's door in time. She wouldn't leave the playground at Ruby's school and screamed like I was kidnapping her when I had to carry her. She did not want to get back in the car an...

  Day 181 of my 365 Photo Journal HAPPY EASTER! CHRIST HAS RISEN!!! Ben and I have been taking extra, extra time over the last couple of days to talk to the kids about Jesus's sacrifice for us and his resurrection three days later. It's been really cool, hearing all of their questions and their thoughts about what happened. We've gotten a handful of artwork depicting God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (and angels!) and we've gotten a TON of really cool grateful prayers to Jesus. I love how open and excited the kids are to learn more about God and how they just soak it all in. It also makes me scared to say ANYTHING wrong, because they're listening so carefully and I don't want to confuse them!  Today was such a fun day. We checked out our Easter baskets early this morning, ate some breakfast, and hit the road! We hung out at Poppop and Grandma's house for the whole day eating, playing, visiting, and Easter egg hunting. The drive home felt a little long and Olli...

Day 180 of my 365 Photo Journal We thought that today would be a super relaxing day filled with outside play, but it was more of a day of preparation for tomorrow and me vegging on the couch reading. Not a bad day, just not exactly what we planned on. We are SUPER excited for tomorrow though!  I got this photo of Ruby just after a tantrum about something, but I loved the way the light was hitting her, so I grabbed my camera and told her to FREEZE! I can't decide if I like the b&w or the color version better. 

Day 179 of my 365 Photo Journal Today was a great day and totally felt like a Saturday. We went to Glacier Ridge Metro Park this afternoon... Actually, thinking back, 3/4 kids cried during this park visit. Clemi cried because the challenge course was really challenging. Jonas cried because Ben encouraged him to do something he didn't want to do. Ruby cried because she wanted to play...or didn't want to play, or something. But still, it was nice to get out, be in the fresh air, and do something a little different. Despite the crying, and whining, and entitlement, I love my kids so very much. They keep me on my toes, and my lazy self needs that. <3 I love the top picture, because ALL of my loves are in it, even though it's really not the best composition-wise. 

Day 178 of my 365 Photo Journal [Edited below] So...since I'm behind on this photo and don't have time to take another one, I'm using this one as my March picture in the same spot. I don't love it. I am getting so annoyed that I can't seem to get the same perspective I did in January, but whatever. There are 9 more months to get it right. Although I am starting to question how good an idea it was to choose this location... I went to the dermatologist today and I do have rosacea. It's not a huge deal, really. It's my face, which makes it emotionally upsetting, but having red, bumpy skin isn't the worst thing in the world. It won't kill me or make me feel physically bad in any way so...I just have to do my best to treat it properly and accept that this is the way it is. My family still loves me exactly the same and it changes nothing regarding my value or my place in this world or the next. Also, the house three houses down from ours is for sale! I...