April 28, 2021 - Wednesday (205/365)


Day 205 of my 365 Photo Journal

Well, I did not get on the plane. I cancelled my flight shortly after midnight, after hours of crying and being sick to my stomach. I kept hoping that I'd be able to talk myself out of my insanity, or pray my way out of it, but to no avail. I spiraled further and further until it felt like I was making the decision to, basically, risk death, just to go to a funeral. It's ridiculous in hindsight (and my rational mind even recognized it then), but I couldn't find my way out of it at the time. I woke Ben up sobbing and told him that I couldn't go. One of the reasons I love Ben is because he never makes me feel ashamed or silly at all for sad or anxious feelings. He supports me and says all the things that make my heart feel better and I'm so thankful for that. I had to send a bunch of sad texts to my family and to Alisha today, but everyone understood. 

As far as my pictures go, I have had three occasions to take pictures since my blog post yesterday, so I had a little trouble choosing what to post today. I am going to post these awesome pictures of Clemi skateboarding though, because I am so proud of her for getting out there and working on it every day. She's really excited that she can actually move without falling and wants to start learning some tricks! She's getting so old and so mature. 



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