January 1, 2022 - Saturday


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 

I know it's sad, but I don't have a lot of optimism stepping into 2022. It's not that I think that this next year will be bad. I actually think it will be a good year, filled with great memories, fun, and lots and lots of love and adventure. I'm excited for 2022! I guess the lack of optimism is more regarding myself. I feel like after 38 years, it's becoming very clear that I do not change easily. No resolutions, commitments, or "seriously, I'm doing it this time"s make any real difference in my day-to-day life and that has become really disheartening for me. If I looked back at last years New Years post, I have a feeling I'd see all of my same issues spelled out there: laziness, lack of commitment, inability to stick to anything that will help me. I still want to exercise, spend more time outside, be a more patient parent, be a more loving wife, eat healthier, and read my Bible more. But I did not change my long-term habits regarding any of those things over an entire year and I honestly just have no idea HOW. HOW DO I DO IT??? How do I force healthy change on myself when my head and heart want it, but my habits do not? I'm so frustrated with myself right now and I know it's bumming Ben out. He is starting of the new year with all of the optimism he starts every new year with and here I am, raining on his parade. I feel bad, but I can't really fake it. Not for him or anybody else. I don't know how to be this idealized "better version" of Josie. Does she exist? Is it even possible? 

Anyway, welcome 2022 and goodbye 2021. People hated it, but it wasn't a bad year for me. 😎

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