January 31, 2022 - Monday

Just for fun, I'm going to list out all of the things that are making me stressed/anxious right now:

  • Ollie being rebellious today
  • Ben being manic today
  • Me being sad today
  • Getting prepared for the photo shoot tomorrow
  • How the photo shoot will go tomorrow
  • Me not being worthy of ever being a professional photographer
  • Me not being good enough to be a photographer
  • Me not having the mental capacity to take on anything new
  • Having a current job that I haven't even started
  • There not being enough hours in the day
  • Having plans every day this week
  • Snow coming this week, causing me to potentially cancel plans
  • Double booking plans one day this week
  • Not losing weight
  • Being hungry
  • Being fat
  • The house being messy
  • Me not having enough time to clean
  • Whether or not I have a future in Dwell
  • ...all of the specifics of all of the things listed above
There's just too much stuff taking up space in my brain. It makes me want to go away! Just get away from everything. Shut off my brain. Have no responsibilities. Have nothing I care about. Obviously, I don't really want to have nothing I care about. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a wife and a mother, and to have enough friends to fill up my days, and to have a church that I care about enough to really work through issues I'm having with it. How lucky and I to have a body that carried my children and keeps me alive every day, and to have babies to take pictures of, and to have friends who support me in my endeavors? I'm grateful and I'm blessed beyond measure. I just don't understand why my brain is spiraling the way it is. 



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