January 4, 2022 - Tuesday


Oh, man. This week is dragging! I can't believe it's only Tuesday. Me and Ollie have been pretty bored over here. We're feeling better, but I still think I'd rather wait until two weeks have passed before I go do stuff, especially with friends. And without all of the other kids here to distract her, she's pretty much just attached to me all day! 

Ben asked me the other day to try to not be so negative. When he said it, I was honestly like *blink blink* who tf are you talking to with that bs??? It took everything in me to not retort with something smart about how the first and last words out of his mouth every day are negative and how does he have the nerve to...etc. But instead, I gave him a look and didn't say much. I felt angry and I thought about it a lot for days. I never really think of myself as negative per se. I KNOW that I'm not an optimist, by any means, but I don't consider myself a pessimist either. I've been trying to weigh my words before I speak them more than usual, just to try to examine myself a little. Am I too negative? I have a really hard time saying things I don't mean, but maybe it would be better for me to just be quiet when I'm feeling down? I'm not quite sure how to navigate this issue with negativity, but still have integrity in how I present myself and my feelings. I think that the ultimate solution would be heart change, but ummm...yeah. Not to be negative 😂, but I don't know when or if that will happen! Anyway, it's something I'm thinking about. I don't want to feel like I'm bumming everyone out every time I interact with them. I want to build people up and not make them feel worried about me. 

In other news, I finally did our family picture!!! I think it turned out really nicely. I did end up stitching together three separate photos, which worked out well. The lighting was ok, but it's still a bit yellow. When I tried to adjust it though, it washed all the kids out and that was worse. And Jonas 🤦. Every picture of him is the same. Oh well! It could be a LOT worse. 😅 Now I'm going to order New Year's cards and send them out to the people that sent us Christmas cards. It's a little petty, but man, I'm tired of buying and sending out 75 cards every year and only getting a handful back. 

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