October 10, 2022 - Monday



It was a good Monday (so far)! Ollie and I went to visit Jenny, which was great. It's been a couple of weeks, so it felt nice to just sit and talk for a little while. I, of course, forgot my book and haven't read the chapter for weeks. We'll have to try again next time! After that, Ben and I took Ollie to Daruma for lunch and it was so delicious! Much cleaner than usual. They seem to have done a few updates, which involved cleaning the damn, sticky floors for once. Hooray! It's so sad to get an enormous feast like that, and then just have to pack 97% of it up for later. But the little bit I was able to eat while I was there was super yummy. We also ran to Target and then came home. Ollie went down for her nap without a fight and I had my staff meeting. I'm going to make those raviolis again for dinner tonight! Fingers crossed it goes over as well as last time. 

I was talking to Jenny about my weight a little today. I've reached nearly all of my goals! Once my engagement ring fits again, that will be it! Ben seems to think I really need to keep trying to lose more and it's not like I'm going to stop eating healthy or anything, but I do think it will feel good to have accomplished everything I set out to. BUT, what I realized today is that even if I were close to a high school/college weight again, I'll never have high school/college youth again. AKA even if I lose a bunch of weight, I'll still look old. 😅 And it's not that that's not ok, but I keep looking in the mirror and thinking I still don't look pretty (the way I used to) because I haven't lost enough weight. I don't think that's really it though. I think it's really that I've aged. I've aged appropriately, but I'm not young anymore and I'll never look young again. I need to adjust my expectations and maybe even the lens I view myself through. I hope that I can be pleased with my appearance to some extent someday. I don't need it, but it is nice to look at yourself and feel like you like what you see. 

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