October 13, 2022 - Thursday


Man, I'm feeling really depressed. For the first time in a very long time, I considered suicide as an easier option than life. It was fleeting, but the thought was there. I've been trying to pass off the feelings I've been having for the last couple of weeks as hormones...and maybe they still are! But I had to admit to Ben what's going on and get a little help with some of the things that are overwhelming me. It was a bad day.

BUT I did get two of the girls' Sanderson sisters capes done! I spent a ton of time sewing today. Just one more to do tomorrow morning! 

These photos are from yesterday, which was a bit of a better day. The weather was beautiful. We met Brit and Anna at Coffman and hung out for a little while, then me and Ollie searched for pumpkins and explored. I was feeling kind of down, but still enjoyed the day. I even had a girl's night out with Jen and Jenny that was SO fun! I am super glad we still went, even after Kamola said she couldn't. Unfortunately, I ended Wednesday night with a huge pit of anxiety in my stomach, worrying about all of the things that are looming over me. My parents are coming in a few days, the house is a disaster, I have the costumes to sew, a million errands to run, trip to the Arikoks next week, and on and on. Actually, Ben's theory is that I'm not depressed, but dealing with an overwhelming episode of anxiety. I feel like that would be better in a way, because it might end more quickly. 






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