Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

I slept like complete garbage last night, thanks to Ollie!!! She got up at 3 and slept in our bed for a little bit. I brought her back to her bed around 4 and she was up for the DAY at 4:50! Such a mess. I'm exhausted.  Despite the lack of sleep, today wasn't bad. Ollie went to school and I played Harry Potter while she was gone :). In the wee hours of the morning, I cleaned Ollie's room and about half of Clemi and Ruby's room. I stayed in a decent mood, thankfully. I had some really, really frustrating moments at work, but talked through them with Jane, so it turned out ok. And THEN, we took the kids to 16 Bit/Pins Mechanical for dinner and games and drinks and had SO MUCH FUN! I really like it there when it's not busy. We hung out for a couple of hours and got the kids to bed. Now we're hanging out. I did some designing for my birthday party invitation, which is always satisfying for me and I did some editing on this photo I took today, which I'm not 100% ...

Today was not a bad day. I got the grocery shopping done in the morning and worked in the afternoon. Pretty basic day! Ollie is acting a little weird. I looked at her while we were getting ready to leave the store (actually in line to buy her a cake pop at Starbucks) and her little lip was quivering! When I asked her what was wrong, she just started crying. 😢 I felt so sad for her! She never told me what was wrong, even with snuggles and kisses.  We're in this stage where Ollie really has more energy than I'm really up for matching, but she still wants to be with me constantly, even though I think she'd be happier playing with other kids. I don't really know what to do about it. I'm trying so hard to be a good mom. SO HARD. I just only have a finite amount of internal resources to work with and I'm always falling short somewhere. I'm really available for snuggles and compassion and empathy, but I'm falling behind on administrative stuff and housework. O...

Ugh. Sundays. It wasn't bad, really. Church went fine this morning, although it was much more exhausting than usual without Ben's help. Lunch afterward was a bit awkward because it was really just me, Alex, and Eliot left. After church, I played Harry Potter for about two hours, which is pretty incredible. The girls played witches (they're obsessed with being witches right now. I'm not sure when/if I'll need to step in 🤷They all coated their eyes with dark makeup and wore capes for most of the day.) and Jonas went for a long walk playing Pokemon Go. So. I'm a little conflicted about the Pokemon Go thing. On the one hand, Jonas has been walking over a mile every day just to play this game. On the other hand, he's playing a game. But I'm going to just be glad he's being active right now and let it go.  Ben finally came home around 2!!! It was great to see him. He laid down to take a nap almost immediately 😅. Not surprising! When he got up, we went ou...

Man, no-tech days are so much harder when I'm alone with the kids! I started the day off announcing that we'd be heading to a movie soon. I had such an amazing sleep last night, like 8 full hours. I got to sleep until 7:40 or so and the kids were happily entertaining each other when I woke up. Such a nice morning. I got a shower and we headed out. The movies ended up feeling more expensive today, though, and the kids seemed less grateful than normal. I wished I could reverse time and take the experience away from them. I know that's silly and impossible, but I just felt like they didn't deserve it and fumed the whole way home, feeling like they're so ungrateful for everything.  I spent the afternoon doing chores and reading while the kids played outside and in the den. There was a VERY LONG freak out from Ruby that lasted about 25 minutes. Just screaming for 25 minutes. It was a lot. And then she started thinking about something else and moved on. 🤷 I'm just so...

Today was a mess. I woke up feeling pretty junky and Ben headed out right after dropping Ruby at the bus stop. Clem stayed home because her "stomach hurt". She also showed us her finger, which was swollen and pus-filled. 😟 I made her a doc appt. and went there with her at 10. (She's fine.) Afterward, I ran over to main campus to grab the supply bags for Sunday. On the way home, Clem said that she realized she just doesn't feel sick at all! And asked to go to school. It's fine. It's good that she wants to go, but her lunch wasn't made and her backpack wasn't packed up and, honestly, I was looking forward to having someone here to keep Ollie company! But I took her in to school anyway, because what kind of mom keeps their kids home to take care of the younger ones?? My mom. That's who. She relied on me to take care of Justina for months and months. I missed so much school. As much as that makes life easier for a mom, it's not right. So, off to s...

Ben is going away tomorrow and will be gone until Sunday. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it feels a little like freedom. I won't have to check in or debate or go through a whole "thing" for every action I want to take. On the other hand, I'll really miss having him here. We haven't gotten to spend much time together lately. AND, of course, I'll be completely in charge for three days, which is never a fun thing in a house full of kids.  I don't know what we're going to do, but I am thinking about taking everyone to the art museum on Saturday and then finding a magenta place for pictures while we're downtown. There is also a kid's movie in the theater that we might go see. We'll mostly just be living normal life though: laundry, and meals, and playing, and mess-making. It'll be ok, I just wish Ben didn't have to be gone so long. Of course, I'm happy for him to get to go, though. Every one of his siblings will b...

Discovering the joy of Pez. Maybe that loving Wednesdays thing was a fluke. This one wasn't all that great. 😅 It's probably just me. I'm getting into a (possible?) depression, I think. I'm just foggy and bummed out. Can't focus. Just generally sad. I'm praying it doesn't last long and that God can still use me, even while I'm struggling a bit. I have work to do and I don't want to be sidelined by depression. We have these new neighbors we're trying to befriend and I want to really build in with Meghan and Trey so that they don't feel too out of place or lonely in our group. Depression makes me want to hide in bed and not talk to anyone. Can't do that!  My UTI feelings are back and I am just so overwhelmed by it. I really just cannot deal with this. 😑 I had my gyn appt yesterday, but she had no idea what could be causing my ongoing discomfort and issues, so it looks like I'll have to actually go to the urologist, which I really, real...

Man, it feels good to have skipped over Monday. It's already Tuesday! Woohoo!!! I made this instant pot Greek chicken and rice tonight. I was so nervous that nobody would try it and everybody would hate it, but the exact opposite happened. Every single kid LOVED dinner. It was like a miracle. I'm putting this one on my regular rotation!  Other than that riveting excitement, and a gynecologist appt that went much better than I expected, nothing much happened today. I felt really behind on work, so I basically worked all day. Big fun.  The neighbor texted though! She thanked me for the rice krispies and said they'd love to get together for a beer one night soon. Excited and nervous about that! It should be good though. Ben is going away from Friday morning until Sunday night this weekend, so it won't be able to be then, sadly. We'll figure it out soon.  Oh, gosh. I keep remembering when I'm not in a position to do anything about it that I'm supposed to lead di...

Sadly, today became my Sunday. :( Boo. I ended up doing a bunch of housework: cleaning, laundry, cooking, putting clothes away. Lots of work. It was fine. I mean, I still took the day off of paid work and everyone was home together, which is always more fun than having to do a school/work day. We didn't see the neighbors at all, because I didn't feel like putting a bra on. 😅 I played a teensy bit of Harry Potter and started a new book. And we had home church! It was a fun night. I brought snacks and all the stuff I made turned out really yummy. We had some good visiting. Meghan and Trey were there. I'm excited to get to know them more! I did drop off some rice krispies treats to the new neighbors before we went to HC with a note inviting them over for a beer with us sometime and gave them my phone number so they could text if they ever need anything. Looking forward to seeing where this goes!  I don't feel like uploading pictures from my camera right now, so I'm go...

Nobody having to leave the house tomorrow meant that today was a better than usual Sunday. :) I did have to work at church this morning, but the day went ok and I had a good morning. I'm starting to feel a little bleh, maybe it's the weather getting to me? Maybe it's just me. I really just wanted to hang out inside and play video games, but that's not really how the rest of the day went. I did get a little time playing video games and I finished my book, but a lot of the time was spent stressing out about meeting the new neighbors. 😅 So, I had just gotten my new Harry Potter game uploaded and was downstairs playing. Ben went outside to play with the kids in the cul-de-sac and, after about 20 minutes, ran downstairs to excitedly exclaim that the new neighbors are outside and I need to get out there now! Unfortunately, having just started the game up, I was not at a save point. I'm panicked now and desperate for the game to get to a spot where I can walk away. Ben co...

Dang, we're really using our memberships the last couple of days! haha Granted, the two I used before today were ones I bought just that day, but still. The point is, we went to the zoo today. We met the Shauls there and hung out for a few hours. Kylienne was ice cold when we first got together and after about 20 minutes I had to pull her aside and ask if everything was ok. She acted like she wasn't really going to answer and then she said she's just really pissed at Travis. And, yeah, I get it. It's hard to be out, hanging out with another family, when you kind of want to smother your spouse. But she did warm up after that, thankfully. We didn't do much this morning, nothing of note anyway. It's our screen-free day, so we try to refrain from using phones or watching TV until after dinner. BUT, after we got home from the zoo, we had Jonas watch the girls so that Ben and I could go on a very short date. It's the first time we've had him do this for real f...

The kids were all off of school today, so I took them over to COSI. It is such a great museum. I love it there. We had a good time and everyone behaved well. I coated the threats on thick before we left. 😅 Basically, if anyone got to a 3 while we were there, we'd leave. No questions asked. No more chances. Just gone. Ruby got to a 2, but that was the worst that happened. We got home around 1:30 and then we pretty much just chilled for the rest of the day.  Ben and I had a very uncomfortable and upsetting conversation this evening. I don't know if I want to go into a lot of detail, but basically he was upset with me because I freeze up/get really unresponsive whenever he "expects" anything from me and he wanted to know why. It turned into a whole talk about his anger and how me and the kids all just try to avoid it at all costs and my ignoring him is my way of not engaging anymore. We talked for a long time about it and, of course, the convo ended with him feeling lik...

It definitely feels like a Friday! The kids and I are all off tomorrow and I just want to stay up late and party. But I won't, because then I'd end up feeling like crap and being in a bad mood tomorrow.  Today was a busy one. After dropping Ollie off at school, I worked, read a few pages, got Ben's cards ready to ship, and then picked Ollie up early. We ran to grab food from Panera and then met Ben for lunch. I had planned to have "a talk" with him about his recent outbursts of anger and how he's been taking it out on the kids. I've been feeling really upset with him about it, but I've been biding my time, knowing that talking to him while he's still angry would not be helpful. He asked me immediately after seeing me what was going on and I told him I wanted to talk to him. He asked if it was about how angry he's been and then he confessed that he was feeling really guilty about the way he's been treating the kids lately. I just added in th...

Today was not the typical Wednesday that I've come to know and love. Boo. We didn't have a play date this morning. People just weren't feeling it and, honestly, neither was I. I was very happy to stay home with my girl and relax. I did, however, forget that I had to go to main campus for my staff meeting. :( So, me and Ollie headed over there. The weather was ABSOLUTE PERFECTION today, so we wandered the grounds for a few minutes before the meeting and about a half hour after the meeting. We went down to the creek and threw rocks in for a while, which Ollie was super duper excited about.  I had to come home and get some work done eventually though. I scheduled myself off for Friday and Monday, which I'm really looking forward to. I think I need a few days of having no external responsibilities! The kids will all be home all four days and Ben will be off Monday. I just want to have the freedom to really hang out with everyone. Hopefully the weather is decent and we can d...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! I honestly am just not that into it anymore, which I'm really glad for. I have no strong expectations of Ben and (hopefully) he doesn't have any for me either. We can just have a pretty normal day, along with our annual Valentine's Day seafood dinner. Sadly, my dinner did not go so great this year. The crab we got tasted weird and it was freezer burned or something. The meat just would NOT come out of the crab. I got cuts all over my hands and it took forever to pick it out. The soup I made tasted way too much like wine. I didn't enjoy the lobster cakes we bought at all. Just, all around, not a great dinner tonight. Plenty expensive though!  Ollie had a Galentine's party in her class today. Parking was insanity. Literally, people were parked almost a mile away. Me, being the rule-breaker that I am, parked right in the blocked off parking lot, because F that. I was running a few minutes late and I was the last parent to join the party. Ol...

I'm writing this post late and I barely remember what I did on Monday at this point, but here goes nothing!  Normally, on Mondays, I do the grocery shopping in the morning, get everything put away, and then have my staff meeting at 2. Today, Anne asked me to babysit her boys while she took Seth to an orthodontist appt., so nothing got done as it was supposed to. It had its ups and downs. :) Levi and Ben fought a lot, which was awkward, because Levi is really just not into listening very well. He's just kind of at that age where he realizes that I'm not really in charge of him and he has no real incentive to listen to me (not that he was ever great at listening to authority). So that was fun. He ended up leaving with his grandfather about halfway through, though, and the second half of the time went much more smoothly. I even got to read a few chapters of my book!  Because I felt so behind with everything (dishes from the night before, the whole house was dirty, I was behind...

Church this morning and then some time reading. Man, I'm loving this book! I cannot put it down. The Torellis came over for dinner around 4, which was a lot of fun. The kids play nicely...beside each other. 😅 I'm glad we did it!  I'm not feeling very chatty right now. I'm dreading tomorrow. I have so much to do and I literally will not have enough time to do it all. I'm babysitting for Anne at 11:20 until at least 1. I usually do grocery shopping on Mondays and then have my production meeting at 2, with a little bit of relaxation in between. I don't see myself getting to the store, getting home, and putting stuff away, and then getting to Anne's all by 11:20, so I don't think groceries will get done. 😞 I'm supposed to have a meeting with Kelsey at 1, which I'll have to cancel. Blah. I hate Mondays. AND I wasn't able to get the 8 waiting loads of laundry put away today, so I'll have to add that in tomorrow, along with HC. Ben asked if I...

It was a busy day! Despite our screen-free Saturday policy, we took the kids to the movies. :) We saw Puss N' Boots, which was wholly boring and tedious for Ben and I, but the kids seemed to enjoy it! And then we brought Jonas over to his friend Aveen's house for his first sleepover ever! We relaxed a bit at home and then Ben and I went on our Valentine's date...which was a bit of a mess. 😅 So. We get into Dublin and drive by Pins (where we were planning to go), which looks PACKED. Then, we cannot find a parking spot in the entire parking garage! We both start to get anxious about how busy and crowded everything is and I finally say that I just don't want to be here at all. I just want to do something less stressful and crazy! Disappointed, we drive out of Dublin and start looking around on Sawmill. Every parking lot is full and Ben starts calling restaurants to see if anyone has tables available, which they don't. Finally, we happen upon an Outback Steakhouse that...