February 25, 2023 - Saturday


Man, no-tech days are so much harder when I'm alone with the kids! I started the day off announcing that we'd be heading to a movie soon. I had such an amazing sleep last night, like 8 full hours. I got to sleep until 7:40 or so and the kids were happily entertaining each other when I woke up. Such a nice morning. I got a shower and we headed out. The movies ended up feeling more expensive today, though, and the kids seemed less grateful than normal. I wished I could reverse time and take the experience away from them. I know that's silly and impossible, but I just felt like they didn't deserve it and fumed the whole way home, feeling like they're so ungrateful for everything. 

I spent the afternoon doing chores and reading while the kids played outside and in the den. There was a VERY LONG freak out from Ruby that lasted about 25 minutes. Just screaming for 25 minutes. It was a lot. And then she started thinking about something else and moved on. 🤷

I'm just so angry today. I hate depression! I hate feeling lonely and unloved/unlovable and taken for granted. I hate feeling like nobody likes me or at least nobody likes me ENOUGH for me, if that makes sense. I want to quit my jobs and hide under my covers forevermore. I seriously might quit my jobs. Jane is acting like she's very disappointed in me since I took time off last week and I just absolutely do not feel like going to CT tomorrow and putting on a big smile for everyone. It will make me feel better to be there, I know that, but I don't want to get dressed and show up for all the bs. It's ok. I'll be ok. 

I hope Ben knows that the house will not be clean when he gets home. 

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