February 17, 2023 - Friday


The kids were all off of school today, so I took them over to COSI. It is such a great museum. I love it there. We had a good time and everyone behaved well. I coated the threats on thick before we left. 😅 Basically, if anyone got to a 3 while we were there, we'd leave. No questions asked. No more chances. Just gone. Ruby got to a 2, but that was the worst that happened. We got home around 1:30 and then we pretty much just chilled for the rest of the day. 

Ben and I had a very uncomfortable and upsetting conversation this evening. I don't know if I want to go into a lot of detail, but basically he was upset with me because I freeze up/get really unresponsive whenever he "expects" anything from me and he wanted to know why. It turned into a whole talk about his anger and how me and the kids all just try to avoid it at all costs and my ignoring him is my way of not engaging anymore. We talked for a long time about it and, of course, the convo ended with him feeling like he's the worst father and husband in the world and he might as well just live alone. I tried to be encouraging, but he's pretty upset. I think this conversation needed to happen, but I know I would feel like crap about myself too. And the truth is, I should have found a way to talk to him about this years ago. It's just so hard to bring up hard things with your spouse. You want them to feel loved and accepted and you know how full of flaws you are too... IDK. It's just tough. I never feel like I've taken the log of wood out of my own eye first and so it's tough for me to really come down on him about things. It's not like I never say anything about anything, but I hate it. 





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