February 26, 2023 - Monday


Today was not a bad day. I got the grocery shopping done in the morning and worked in the afternoon. Pretty basic day! Ollie is acting a little weird. I looked at her while we were getting ready to leave the store (actually in line to buy her a cake pop at Starbucks) and her little lip was quivering! When I asked her what was wrong, she just started crying. 😢 I felt so sad for her! She never told me what was wrong, even with snuggles and kisses. 

We're in this stage where Ollie really has more energy than I'm really up for matching, but she still wants to be with me constantly, even though I think she'd be happier playing with other kids. I don't really know what to do about it. I'm trying so hard to be a good mom. SO HARD. I just only have a finite amount of internal resources to work with and I'm always falling short somewhere. I'm really available for snuggles and compassion and empathy, but I'm falling behind on administrative stuff and housework. Or I'm totally on top of getting future school things/camps/teacher conferences lined up, but I'm emotionally distant because I'm tapped out. OR I'm getting the house clean and dinners planned and cooked, but I'm not taking any time for snuggles and I'm totally losing track of administrative stuff. As hard as I try, I cannot take care of it all. I wish I were a person with a larger bandwidth, but I'm just not! And I struggle to prioritize. Which of those things is the most important? They're ALL important to an extent and maybe being emotionally connected is the MOST important, but I can't stand to see everything going to shit around me while I sit on the couch snuggling. 

I'm less depressed and I'm not all in my feels, so I'm not going to get into emotions right now.



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