December 3, 2023 - Sunday


Whew. What a day. Not “what a day” as in I did so much today, but “what a day” as in I am drained and sad and want to go to sleep for eternity.

We had CT this morning, which went fine. I even got time to visit with HC people for a bit afterwards. Then, we get home, and I realize I don’t have my purse. I turned around and drove all the way tf back to church. Thank God it was still in the booth, but an extra hour in the car was not something I wanted. Ben left shortly after I got home to play Magic for the next 5 hours and Jonas’s friend Gakuto was here visiting. I have just been really, really sad the last few days and don’t want to do anything, but the house was a disaster, so I cleaned for a little while. Then, Gakuto left and I dropped Jonas off at group. He really wanted me to go in and meet the leaders. Of course, I’m in my sweats, looking straight homeless, and super depressed, so the meet n greet didn’t go as well as it could have, for sure. Literally can’t remember any of their names.

I took the girls to get some Mcd’s takeout for dinner and somehow waited 20 minutes for 3 happy meals. I was all excited to run over to Chick Fil A for myself, get over to the deserted parking lot and realize, crap. They’re closed on Sundays. So I came home and ate some week-old meatloaf.

I got more and more and more sad until I finally just came upstairs and laid down. Ben was at magic until 7:15 or so and helped finish up the chores I didn’t finish, but he did not do it happily and he treated the kids like shit, which made me really upset. Ollie stayed up until 9:30 screaming and crying about anything and everything, and here I am, seething mad, wanting Ben to not come up here at all tonight, and wishing I could fast forward myself to a point in time when I’m happy.

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