February 10, 2025 - Monday


We got a good chunk of school done this morning and then I finally finished cleaning Jonas's room out and getting his furniture moved out of there. Ben was supposed to help with this part, but, of course, he did not. He is hung over today and I'm disappointed and annoyed with him. He admitted he was hung over, but as soon as I said he was hung over, he defensively insisted that he was not and that he barely drank any alcohol at all. *BIGGEST EYE ROLL EVER* I failed at holding my snark inside during a conversation around lunch and he got super pissed at me and basically hung up on me. He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day and didn't even make eye contact with me when he got home from work. How am I supposed to never say anything about his drinking? Meanwhile, he is constantly trying to convince me to drink more. I was "so much more fun" when I drank, and he wishes I would just "loosen up" sometimes. But I don't like feeling like crap and I don't even like what used to be the good feeling part of drinking anymore. I don't enjoy getting buzzed or drunk at all. I'm just not into it. I'd be happy to never drink again. I'm not saying I won't ever drink again, but you get the point. That's actually why we have hard liquor in the house right now: Ben bought me stuff for fancy drinks so he could persuade me to drink. And, of course, he is slowly, but surely, draining both bottles on his own. Good times. 

We both went to HC tonight, which shocked me. I was sure he'd try to punish me by not going...which of course would not have been punishment at all. Maybe he realized coming with me would be more of a punishment. Or maybe he wasn't thinking like that at all and just wanted to go to HC and I'm being paranoid and unkind. In truth, he just wants me to stop judging him. We used to drink together every single day. I kept right up with him. Over time, I've changed. He has too, but not as drastically as me. Neither of us gets drunk most days of the week anymore. He usually just has a beer or two and he has been trying to have a couple of nights a week when he doesn't drink at all. I don't give him enough credit for the positive changes he's made because he's not doing the same as me and I guess that's kind of shitty. I need to do better. 

I actually took pictures today, but I took them on my camera and I am not near my camera. I'm uploading this one instead. 

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