February 3, 2025 - Monday

Today was a good day! We did school for the first half, and I announced to the kids that things were going to change some. I have been slacking a bit on their education and I'm going to try to change that. We have way too much down time, honestly. And what fills the time? Bickering, screens, house-destruction. There's literally no reason for us to rush through school every day. Truth be told, Jonas is the one who really rushes us through. He gets whiny and rude when he's not getting his way and, while he's a super good kid in most ways, he's also manipulative and I always fall for it. He puts on the waterworks every time he hears that something is going to change slightly...and not in a way that will make life even easier for him. Anyway, I'm not 100% sure how it will look, but I want my kids to be improving and growing, not just skating through. 

I've been trying really hard to be kind and loving towards Ben but today was a real test. He got on my frickin' nerves!!!! Oh my gosh. But we did go to HC and both enjoyed it a lot. There were only 10 of us there, I think. Perfect for me and Ben, but I know it was a bummer to people who enjoy having crowded, busy home church meetings. I got to hang out with Megan and Kaitlyn for most of the time, which was great. Ben actually told me he thinks he wants to attempt to rejoin men's group. *shocked face* Here's the thing about Ben and me: he just pokes, and needles, and prods until I get pissed. He thinks it's funny up until I'm actually annoyed, then he's a victim. Then I'm being a jerk and why do I have to ruin his good time. I'm just going to try to move past it, because the way we were existing was NOT working at all and I don't want to fall back into it. We both felt like we were on the brink of divorce for months. But I'd really like to just avoid him if it wouldn't make him feel shitty.