August 28, 2025 - Thursday


Ben and I had an uncomfortable confrontation today. I was freaking out, feeling stressed about the 10 million things I feel like I have to do on my own and Ben said something about staying home from cell to help me. I snarkily replied, "You wouldn't actually help, though. You'd sit on the couch, staring at your phone like you always do." He got right off the phone and I realized that my comment was overly harsh, so I texted an apology. He didn't text back. When he got home, he told me he was feeling really upset with me, and felt like I say things to him that I would not accept him saying to me. Whether that's true or not, the fact is that I was rude and hurt his feelings, so I apologized for that. This, of course, was not good enough. Apologies are never enough for Ben. He has to be able to rant and over explain for a while before he can let things go. So he angrily got dressed and left to go for a run, while I got myself ready for the stupid LHM orientation I had to go to tonight. Even though it's pizza and a movie night. Wah.

The orientation was fine. I knew a few people but there were lots of moments that I just wished I wasn't there. I still really don't want to be a part of this co-op. I wish I hadn't let guilt push me onto this path. There's just too much going on. It's too, too, too much! Four co-ops is unmanageable and ridiculous. I'm so irritated with myself. I left a little early and headed home to hash things out with Ben.

When I got here, Ben was having a fire on the deck with the kids. Everyone was having a blast and while the kids were all playing in the yard, he and I talked. I told him that I don't really feel like he does nothing, but I do feel like he's on his phone too much and I've been letting that resentment grow, when I really should have just brought it up sooner. He agreed that I should have brought it up sooner and also told me that he just deleted his Magic the Gathering app that he spends all his time on because he had a feeling that's what was actually causing my anger and he agreed that he's been on his phone way too much. A good resolution without a huge fight! It was a relief. The rest of the night was good.

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