January 5, 2026 - Monday


Ugh. Back to school today. I thought I'd take it easy this week and do kind of a half schedule, but it was just too hard to pick and choose what was important and what I could leave out, so I ended up deciding to do it all. So sad!!! Wah. All I want to do is nothing! I'm struggling over here and so is Ben. He is having a really hard time. I don't know if it's our trip to DE, or burnout, or loneliness, or what! But that man is not doing well. 

He and I went to home church tonight anyway, and I was surprised he wanted to go. I pulled Rachel aside and told her that we're going to visit another HC soon, because I know how perturbed she gets when she's the last to know something. She was pretty upset and started tearing up, but I feel like we can't take this too seriously! We're JUST visiting. I have no immediate plans to leave Ohio HC. In fact, I'd rather never leave Ohio HC, at least not for now. Ben joined the conversation and I'm glad he did. He got an opportunity to voice some of his issues with the group, and I feel like it's important that he has his voice heard. So often, it feels like it's my HC and he's just along for the ride. He needs to be reminded that people care about him and want him there. He just doesn't believe it's true. On the drive home, we got to have some good conversation about groups and our hopes, thoughts, and feelings about everything. I do feel like if we were able to be part of a good group on this side of town it would open up some evangelistic opportunities that we've been hoping and praying for for a long time. I also feel like it's a chance for Ben to find what he's looking for in a group. When I said that out loud, though, he got upset and insisted that I should not, for a second, leave our HC in the hopes that he'll be happier somewhere else, because he doesn't feel like he'll be happy anywhere. That's a little hopeless and sad, and I don't really know how to feel about that. So...I'll just disregard, maybe? Has he not stayed in a group that he doesn't like because he knows I do like it? I don't want to us to get ahead of ourselves. We may visit this group a couple of times and decided it is absolutely not a good fit for us. I just don't want to see us leaving Ohio HC as a foregone conclusion, because it absolutely isn't. 

*Oh, my gosh. How cute is Ruby???? I miss her being this little. 

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