January 6, 2026 - Tuesday

Today was a little stressful. Ben is going through some kind of emotional/psychological tailspin and I'm not really sure how to handle it. I know that being supportive would mean to not take it personally and to not apply something he's going through to my own life, making it all about me, but, hard as I try, I still do those things! He is feeling too much pressure and too much responsibility and, when I question further, it feels like it's about having to provide for me and the kids. I worry that he'll walk away. Or that he'll do something stupid enough that I struggle to forgive him and then force him away. I don't want to take it there though! I'm sure he'll get through this and I just need to be supportive, but it's hard. He's mean and standoffish and cold and I don't want to be near him right now. 

Aside from the emotional turmoil of that situation, it wasn't a bad day. I took the girls to Wild & Free this morning, just for an hour and a half or so. They were all cold and tired of being there before too long. I also get really crazy about mud, which kept them from wanting to play too much, for fear of getting muddy! I'm kind of glad about that part though. 😅 When we got back from that, I did some school with Jonas and Clem, and then Jonas went to visit Jack for a while. 

This evening, Clementine went to a mock audition for Hilliard's production of The Little Mermaid that will happen this spring. The real audition is on Saturday morning, but they offered this workshop to kids who are new to auditions and might need some feedback ahead of time. I'm so glad she went! Don't get me wrong, it didn't go well. I mean, she sounded beautiful and kept up with most of the other kids really well, but she was SO NERVOUS. When her turn doing the singing audition was over, she ran to me and cried in my lap. She *barely* kept it together on stage! It was hard to watch. She was so upset-looking while she was up there that it was uncomfortable. I don't know how she'll do Saturday! She feels determined to improve and try again and we've talked a lot about having realistic expectations. She thinks it'll be okay if she doesn't get in. I heard that there will be over 100 auditions and that there are only 26 parts, so pretty competitive! They also have a bunch of seasoned kids trying out, who have been in several productions in the past, and who participate in their drama camp every summer. I just want her to be her bright, confident, beautiful self for all of them to see!