June 10, 2022 - Friday


Well, I didn't take the kids to the Columbus Arts Festival today like I hoped to do, but they did create a little art at least? 

I don't want to put rose colored glass on when I remember how this went though, because I think sometimes a cute picture leads you to believe it was a good moment in time. I spent my morning on hold with Uhaul, trying to get our hitch appt. cancelled and get my money back ($250!!!) that they forced me to pre-pay in order to get the appt. After an hour of no progress, I hung up VERY, VERY ANGRY. And my anger permeated every interaction I had for several hours. The kids were just being normal kids and I was being rage mom. Ollie had asked me yesterday if she could paint today and I said yes. Then, all morning she kept asking when she could paint as I became angrier and angrier on the phone. By the time I got off of the phone I wanted to break the whole world, but I got out the painting things (angrily) and get everything set up for them (angrily). I had the presence of mind to take some pictures (angrily) and then sat on the couch and sulked while the kids painted. They were having a great time and creating some really beautiful art! I didn't get up and pay any attention until Ruby, getting pretty hyper at this point, dropped a jar of yellow paint on the floor and spilled it everywhere. I didn't freak out or scream or anything, but I just continued in my angry, black cloud mood, while Clemi scrambled to clean it up so I wouldn't get more upset. I feel really sad about that. She ended up saying to me, "I know it's not my fault, but it makes me sad when you're mad." She ended up helping me clean the den too and I'm very thankful for that, because it was becoming overwhelming. I just hate that the weight of my moods rests on her shoulders sometimes. My negative emotions are not her responsibility to handle, but I also can't pretend to not have feelings. It's something I need to keep working on though. I should have been able to shake the anger from that phone call, but it took me hours rather than minutes. 

Thankfully, I did get back to normal eventually. I got a little work done, had a phone call with Jenn (Jane's ex-partner who I do NOT trust at all), got dinner prepped, and had a nice dinner with the Shauls. I even had a couple of drinks in the evening and had a nice night with Benny.




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