April 19, 2023 - Wednesday


Phew! Humpday is finally behind us. Tomorrow is pizza and a movie night and then it's Friday! Although I'm feeling kind of doubtful that we'll stay inside for a movie when the weather is supposed to be SO NICE tomorrow. It'll be hard to pass up an evening outside playing. And I have a few more seeds I need to get planted. (Side note: my poison ivy rash is DRIVING ME INSANE) It has felt like a crazy busy week for me and today was just a continuation of that - work, Oasis staff meeting, more work, Ollie's 4-year well-check, MORE work, hanging out outside, doing dinner, more time outside, working on milk cartons for seeds, getting kids to bed, and now...relaxation! And some of the outside time was really relaxing too. I'm not complaining about the day so much as remarking that I'd like a couple of slow days to be in my future. But ever since I said that I was slow at work, a lot of work has gotten piled on. 

Jane and I talked today about my message to her yesterday. We talked through all of the things that I've been feeling insecure about and she's been feeling anxiety about and I think we're in a good spot. The real trouble started when I took that Monday and Tuesday off a week and a half ago. She realized that she doesn't know wtf is going on with the majority of our projects and every time I'm out, the whole team is a complete mess. This prompted her to make the decision to give some of my work to someone else who rarely takes time off. I got super pissed about that because I barely had any work to do as it was, so I mentioned at a meeting that I didn't have enough work. She felt called out and then, later, sent me that weird message about "mixed signals", which I never gave her, but she couldn't figure out exactly what she was mad about. Then, when we had issues with one of our clients yesterday and I stood up for him, she got super furious and I was like, fuck it. I'm done being treated like everything I do is dumb compared to what she or someone else might have done. So I sent her the message asking if she was ready for me to leave, because I don't want to overstay my welcome. Ultimately, she begged me to not leave and I'm not going to, but I may have to set some boundaries moving forward. I do realize I've probably said that a few times before. 

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week and the weekend. Maybe my depression is lifting? I haven't looked forward to much lately. I started steroids today for my poison ivy. Hoping I stop being so itchy soon! Also, I look like I have acne on my face. 





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