April 7, 2023 - Friday


I woke up today, determined to have a better day than yesterday. And I did. I showered. I got dressed. I got all of the kids out to the movies. AND I got to hang out with Terracina for a little while this afternoon, which was just good for my soul. I got to process through all of the things that have been going on in my life and get some feedback, but mostly just a listening ear from someone that I know loves me. It was good. I'm not in a good place still, but the visit was good and the day was better than the last few have been. 

This evening was a lot of cleaning and food prep for our mini brunch tomorrow. Honestly, having just a few of us here made me more excited and less obligated, so I planned a bunch of fun stuff to eat. I wanted to do a yummy banana pudding, but, for some reason, didn't remember that I'd need a whole bunch of ripe bananas!! So...I had to scratch that idea. 😅 I made watergate salad instead. Much easier! But not quite as yummy. 

Looking forward to tomorrow morning, but still have a lot of heavy stuff on my mind. Ben really wants us to start considering visiting a few different home churches and, while I don't want to jump into any big, huge decisions because I'm upset, he has made a lot of very valid points. We've been irritated about the same things for many years now...truthfully, since the very beginning of this HC. All of our biggest concerns are still the things that frustrate us and make us feel like we're not really family with most of these folks. We try to put aside our concerns and tell ourselves, well, that's why we've been placed here. But how long can we be the only ones willing to go against the grain or the only ones to dissent when things feel wrong? It seems like our HC is all about fun, and while fun is...fun, it's not what I (or any of us!) need when I'm going through a tough situation, or am grieving, or need people to come alongside me with evangelism efforts, or when I'm depressed. If anything isn't fun, my HC isn't there. OR if it takes real effort, my HC isn't there, no matter what it is. Just crickets and averted eyes. We're going to be praying and thinking hard about this for a while. 

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