June 10, 2025 - Tuesday


Well, today is ending with some extreme anxiety for us. Clem has been complaining about a "new bone" growing in her chest for a little over a week. I kept dismissing it because she exaggerates so often and her description made absolutely no sense. I had told her that if her discomfort persisted, we'd go to the doctor. She told me a few days ago that it wasn't bothering her anymore. This evening, she told me that it was bothering her again. I asked her if I could feel what she was talking about and when I did, it was a lump. Like a 1/2" round lump under her left nipple. Instantly, my whole body was filled with alarm. My brain shot to cancer and images of my sweet girl laying in a hospital bed flooded my brain. Thoughts of her not getting to live her full life here on earth, never having her first kiss, bald and sick and trying to hang on to her natural excited demeanor. Oh my gosh. I can't stop thinking the worst! I hope it's nothing, but my brain is my worst enemy right now. She's laying in bed with me tonight, crying her eyes out and asking if she's going to die. I am showing her only comfort and strength, but I know I'll be crying when I turn the lights out too. I'm so worried.

Today was as busy as I thought it would be. We went to Wild & Free in the morning and it was just our original crew, which was such a relief to me and the kiddos. None of us loves having all of the LHM people in this group now, but it is what it is. I'm sure we'll all get used to it! After that, we went to Jenny's to have lunch and discuss our Colossians book. We had a really great time together today. We got home just in time to have 45 minutes at our house and then turn around to leave again! 

Ben came home from work early so that I could leave the girls here with him, then I dropped Jonas and Clem off at drama and went to meet Anne for dinner. I'm not in a great mood. I think I just have been running around too much. I'll be glad when this VBS week is over so I can have some simple days. Dinner was a little weird for some reason. I have no idea why! We were both so excited to have some uninterrupted time together, but we ended up just complaining about stuff by the end. 

After I got back from picking the kids up from drama, I went into the back room for book club and did that until it was time to get the kids to bed! And then the lump thing happened. I just want some simple, quiet, not busy days.

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