June 12, 2025 - Thursday



It was a really fun day! We went to the Highbanks creek this morning with HC ladies and kiddos, which was really great for me. It's just been so long since I've had the freedom to get together outside of HC or cell with people and it's just a much different way of getting to build in. I tried to encourage everyone to go to the smaller creek so that our friends with little ones would have an easier time, but I got there late and Emily didn't know where the smaller creek was. By the time I got there, they were already down by the river! *sigh* I just remember how sweaty and frustrated I'd be when I had to carry a baby and keep my toddlers/little kids on track for long, hot walks. Maybe we can get over there for the next one! 

We got back from creeking a little before 1, got everyone fed, and headed to the library. Everyone had earned prizes, so they were all very excited to get to go! We also had some overdue books that needed to be returned. We headed straight to VBS drama practice afterwards to drop Jonas and Clem off. Man, I am just BURNING through the gas this week. It's wild how many trips I'm taking across the city every day! I'm a little frustrated with it, honestly, but I am glad the kids are participating, so I just keep trying to let go of my selfishness. It's a good thing, not a bad thing!

It's pizza and a movie night, but I have cell tonight and two of our kids were gone, so we turned on a movie we've seen before and just made one pizza instead of two. It was still a sweet evening of cuddling. Ruby and Ollie enjoyed The Incredibles and Ben did the pickup tonight, thankfully. As soon as he got back, I left for group. It's kind of a bummer to go tonight because Ben is leaving for Delaware directly from work tomorrow, so I won't see him all day. But I know if I skipped, we wouldn't actually spend time together...we'd just sit and watch tv. I don't want to skip group just to stay home and stare at a screen all night. He's disappointed with my decision, but I'll try to leave group a little early so we can get some time together. 

It's the anniversary of Gabe's death and I spent a lot of time thinking about him today. I don't really miss him anymore, truthfully. He's been gone a lot longer than he was with me - 24 years now. I miss the idea of him though, I think. I miss this image of an Uncle Gabe I have in my mind for my kids. I miss the idea of texting him and laughing at dumb inside jokes together. I miss having a brother that I can just be entirely myself with...and still be loved. And I miss this potential brother that I could know well and could love despite all the flaws. He was my person and I expected him to be forever. I hate that he's gone.

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