August 4, 2021 - Wednesday (303/365)


Day 303 of my 365 Photo Journal

I've been feeling really sad lately. Pat being so close to the end of her life has been really difficult on Ben and, honestly, pretty hard for me too. First, it's terrible seeing Ben sad and grieving and knowing that there's nothing I can do to fix it. But second, it's just hard to lose her. We haven't been close, but there's always been the potential of being close someday. There will be a hole where she has lived in my heart, as a mother-in-law who has accepted me completely as I am, who has sent me recipes just because I mentioned that I liked something, who has shown me love in small ways over the years. I've been praying that she either already has accepted Christ for real or that she WILL at some point before her soul leaves this world. God is a miracle worker. I know we would all feel so relieved to know that she's with him after her life, just waiting for us to join her. 

My sadness often exhibits itself as anger and today was no exception. I have been short and irritable with the kids all day. Their good moods grate on my nerves and I have absolutely no patience for their bad moods at all. We had a visit to the dentist today and nobody had any cavities and the whole process was short and sweet, as always. BUT, also as always, the dental assistant lectured me on helping the kids brush and floss and I was just not having it today. Like, no. Sadly, I'm a shit mom who does not make time to supervise each of her four children brushing and flossing every morning and evening and I don't think I'll ever do any better at it. So, just let it go and look at their damn teeth and leave me the f out of it. Of course, I didn't say that. I simply said, "No, I don't buy flossers and I don't know when I will again." And, "No, I don't help her brush her teeth." Anyway...it's fine. It's a great office and it makes sense that they would expect parents to help their children learn to brush properly. 

And for today's photo, a terrible one that I took after getting home with happy meals to celebrate their cavity-free status!

I'll just end this post by saying that I don't feel like doing anything ever again. 


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