May 30, 2023 - Tuesday

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME & BEN!!!    

It has been 13 years being married. What a crazy thing. When I was younger, I just couldn't imagine being in a marriage that lasted forever. I imagined that marriages/relationships were disposable and when they weren't working anymore, you quit them. Or, even more pessimistically, I believed that every marriage would contain some degree of unfaithfulness, which would ultimately destroy trust and then the relationship. So, to say that my marriage with Ben has defied all of the odds I had in my head and has exceeded all of the expectations I had for marriage is the absolute truth. I still wanted marriage and still hoped for something better, but never thought it would happen for me and never thought I deserved loyalty and unfaltering love. I certainly never thought I'd get it. 

My marriage with Ben is not perfect, by any means. Two imperfect people, who were given no positive marriages to model after, who grew up neglected and in trouble, of course are going to make mistake after mistake after mistake in trying to love each other well. Half of the time, I think we each have wrong motives and are just seeking our own happiness and the best outcomes for ourselves. BUT, at the end of the day, we know that being with each other is the best path to happiness for us. Having a whole, healthy family, with God at its core, is the way to a content life for us. We've both always craved security and consistency and we give that to each other. So, even though his crazy moods make me insane, and my short-tempered asshole-ness makes him want to punch me, we put up with it! And will continue to. We're not perfect. We never will be. We make mistakes and haven't figured out how to stop yet, but we're both better than we were when we got together 15 years ago. That gives me hope that in another 15 years, we'll be better yet. 

This wasn't a romantic post and the truth is that, after 15 years together, romance dulls down into something else. Romance is less grand gestures and more the little things. It's making the other breakfast when you're making your own. It's grabbing a Mounds bar for your wife when you're at checkout. It's taking the kids upstairs for baths and bed by yourself when you know the other had a rough day. It's holding hands and not complaining about tv show choices. It's listening to one another complain about work, when you really couldn't care less. It's laughing at their jokes, even if you don't feel like laughing. It's paying attention to them, anticipating their needs, and making them feel seen. I do love my husband, but I also still like my husband a whole lot, and I always want him to know that. So yeah, happy anniversary to us. Praying that we're still defying odds and making each other laugh for our whole lives.