August 9, 2023 - Wednesday


In a way, today was my worst in a very long time, but in other ways today was better than most recent days. I was very much more depressed feeling today than yesterday (and every other day in this stupid cycle). I woke up wishing I would never wake up again. BUT. Praise God for waking me up again today anyway. I spent several hours going through homeschool materials and figuring out (to an extent. still so much more to do) what a typical day will look like for each kid. Ben fixed me up some lunch, and then it was pretty much time for quiet time. The girls played in their rooms quietly for hours and hours and hours. Literally, at least 12 hours of quiet play upstairs and I have no idea why they did it, but I'm so thankful that it made for a relaxed day for me, because I was fraying at the edges, man. For example, and keep in mind, they had been playing upstairs quietly for 3 hours at this point, Ollie asked me for a popsicle and I almost lost my damn mind. I could not handle the popsicle request for some reason. It wasn't time for a snack, but she wasn't taking no for an answer and I didn't have the energy to fight. I was so frustrated and I got to that point so very quickly. Anyway, eventually we got to dinner time and Ben let me order food from my very favorite Italian restaurant that I love so much, but is too expensive, Moretti's. It was absolutely delicious and I'm so grateful that he let us splurge on that! 

The things that made today better were mostly about social interaction. I talked to MJ on the phone for over a half hour. Dad texted me and Evie saying he wishes he was better at communicating and is committing to being in touch more often. I texted a lot with Jen W. Plans for drinks were made with friends. And Ben was really, really nice to me today. The kids were easy...even Jonas. So thankful that people still love me even when I'm a big old debbie downer. 

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