July 31, 2023 - Monday


It felt good to get back into routine today, but man was it a rough one for Ruby. She woke up screaming and basically screamed for the rest of the day. It was really a test of patience for me. And I handle it so badly still! It's like, I hear that screaming and I just want to run away. I know I should be patient, be empathetic, try and sit down with her to figure out what is making her so upset, and on and on, but I do not do those things. I pretty much just ignore her. I can't handle the screaming. It brings out the worst in my parenting. I need to try and do better in the future. She's obviously struggling, but so many of the things she struggles with are not things I can fix and then I just end up being angry that she's still screaming even though I tried to help her. I know, I know. I'm awful. 

We tried HC with the kids tonight. And, while it did go as well as it could have (IMO), I still can't say that I liked this better than usual. It would be nice if we had a family night once a month or something, where we had childcare and dinners together, but every week might get tiresome. The kids were pretty darn wild. Maybe once they're more used to the Monday night thing it'll get better? And poor Jonas said he had a terrible night; that the boys he was stuck with acted like buttholes the whole time and he kept being afraid he was going to get in trouble for their bad behavior. 

Speaking of wild (🤓), me and the kids are checking out that Wild + Free homeschool co-op tomorrow. I'm nervous about meeting new people and feeling like I need to be someone I'm not. We'll see how it goes! 

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