October 6, 2024 - Sunday


I guess I'm going to do this lumped blog post again, since I haven't been keeping up with writing/journaling lately. I don't know how, exactly, to describe what's happening with me, emotionally. It's not quite depression, but there is no motivation or drive either. I really want to quit everything and do nothing. See nobody. Disappear. At least for a little while. 

On Wednesday, I didn't do much. We started looking into a property in Delaware that's entirely undeveloped. It's 28.5 acres with no house on it or anything. A friend of mine that I used to be really close with owns with property next door and homeschools her kids. It would be cool to be able to get that land, but it may just be too 'pie in the sky' to be realistic for us. We are going to keep looking into it though, just to see! I did not go to small group. I'm just struggling with which direction to head in, fellowship/church-wise. 

Thursday, we had co-op and I supervised photo taking for the yearbook. I have been so anxious about this day! But it did go smoothly. Granted, we started with the older kids. We will likely have a harder time when we're taking pictures of the younger kids. But I felt like we needed the confidence boost of starting with older kids, so that's the way we did it. 

We had our LHM co-op on Friday and I don't like it there. Sadly, Clemi and Ruby don't like it either. They were both so exhausted and burnt out after class that they were crying and begging to leave before lunch. Jonas loves it so much, though, so it's hard to pull him away from his friends. We even skipped French club because everyone was so tired and cranky. I, personally, have no real reason to not like it. I actually really like all of the people, but I think it just adds too much to life. I am in charge of the craft and it's a lot to plan, shop for, and arrange the craft for the class every week. It would make it so much easier if all of the kids enjoyed it! In the evening, we went to Lauren and Kyle's for a dinner, along with most of the small group. It was fine? The kids had a lot of fun.

Saturday and today we did nothing. I'm feeling so overwhelmed by this past week and I just didn't want to do anything. We almost brought the kids out to Target and a meal, yesterday, but they spent so much time fighting in the morning that I called it off. I'm not trying to bring kids out for a treat who are acting like a-holes. *shrug* I REALLY wanted to go to Dwell for CT today, but the kids really, really don't want to go back and Ben feels like I need to stop being wishy-washy and make a final decision. But I can't! He doesn't think I can do a half in half out kind of situation with church and I do agree to an extent, but I'm also not ready to say that I'm all in with Meadow Park. Their small group is great, but their Sunday service sucks. We won't be here forever, so maybe I should just settle. It feels bad, though.


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