October 8, 2024 - Tuesday


I woke up in the middle of the night last night puking, for some reason. I have no idea why, but that was awful. I don't feel bad today and we did a little bit of school this morning. I'm still going along with the idea of having an easy school week, since we would have been away, if I'd stuck with my plans. 

I finally talked to Ben about some of the things that have been weighing on my mind lately. It's hard to confide in him because it feels like he's always arguing with everything I say. I used to feel like he was my biggest supporter, but I don't feel like that anymore. He doesn't seem to like me much at all. But I digress. The fact is, I did finally talk to him about some of my stresses: church stuff being one of them, future career thoughts, and concerns about potentially being members of the same church as my ex when we get back to DE being another. He actually gave me some good advice and I was glad I shared with him. I wish we weren't distanced the way we are right now. I know that the space between us is as much my fault as his and I'm not doing a good job trying to close the gap. I give up very easily when he doesn't seem to want to spend time with me and I very rarely pursue him at all. I'm sure he feels rejected by that. 

We all got into the hot tub for a little while tonight and then went through our regular bed time routine. He took Jonas to a store and I got the girls to bed, then read alone for a bit. 

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