September 29, 2025 - Monday



It wasn't a bad day. I'm working really hard to push off the anxiety and overwhelm and dread that's been crushing my soul lately. I'm kind of being successful! Well, God is being successful and I'm trying to not impede Him too much. We did school this morning, took Jonas to Lighthouse, I went to Jenny's to visit, made dinner, and went to HC in the evening. It was just the first crazy day in this crazy busy week. It was nice to decompress with Jenny for a while, though. Yesterday, Sarah Groom pretty much told me she thinks I should just leave the job if it's not a good fit for me. I, of course, loved that feedback and feel like it has additional weight because she works for Nathan currently. So, today, I was telling Jenny that I think I'm done. I'm just going to email him and give him a month or two notice. Haha but by the time I got home, I had changed my mind again! I sure wish God would be a bit more vocal on this job stuff. I do not know what the right thing is to do! The parent meeting is in a couple of days, and I think I'll just see how that goes. I have worked really hard to get people hired for these spots. It would be weird and confusing to them if I quit right after desperately recruiting. *sigh* It's no rush. I just am tired of feeling stressed out. 

Homechurch was good this evening. I liked Rachel's teaching and, afterward, had some good discussion about the teaching. Jeff came and sat in our group, and I brought up his nephew and a few of us talked to him about Carter for the next half hour or so. I just felt like it was important to face it head on, let him know that we love him and care about this horrible thing that's happening in their lives, and not force him to talk and laugh about normal things when I know his mind is only on one thing. I'm sure he felt put on the spot at first, but I think he felt loved by the conversation and people's questions and all that. I don't know why loss has to be such an awkward topic to discuss. As someone who has lost so many people, I wish it could be more open and that people didn't act so scared to talk about it. Maybe they're just trying to be sensitive, but it feels like avoidance, which ends up feeling like apathy.

Man, I miss taking pictures with my camera. I really do. These beach pictures are amazing. I need to get my camera back in my hands!



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